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Apparently, I am a "helicopter parent" – one of those moms who "hovers" over their children. I know I am very overprotective. I’m convinced that a pedophile or serial killer is lurking around every corner, ready to steal my children if I let them out of my sight for even a second. The 24-hour media culture we live in doesn’t help matters any. Intellectually, I know being so protective of my kids isn’t helping them learn how to live in the world, but sometimes I can’t help myself. I’m afraid to let them take risks, because they might get hurt.
I recently read a great book that a friend recommended called A Nation of Wimps: The High Cost of Invasive Parenting
. What an eye opener! Here’s a quote from the jacket: "Parents are going to ludicrous lengths to take the lumps and bumps out of life for their children, but the net effect of parental hyper-concern and scrutiny is to make kids more fragile. When the real world isn’t the discomfort-free zone kids are accustomed to, they break down in a myriad of ways. Why is it that those who want only the best for their kids wind up bringing out the worst in them?"
Lauren went to a birthday party on Sunday held at Fun Spot. They have go-karts, bumper cars, etc. She’s only been on go-karts a couple of times and the last time someone bumped her kart and she bit her lip and there was blood everywhere. When we got there, all her friends were on the go-karts. Driving the go-karts. By themselves. She said she didn’t want to go by herself and she wanted me to buy a wristband so I could drive her. I took a really deep breath and told her she was tall enough to go by herself. "I don’t want to go by myself! I don’t know how to drive!" We stood there for a minute watching all her friends racing by and laughing. I recognized the look on her face. "Lauren, you can do this. The gas pedal is on the right and the brake is on the left. All you have to do is push the pedals and steer the steering wheel. You can do this!"
She sat down with such a mixture of trepidation and excitement. She got all buckled in and off she went. She was driving! I was laughing and crying at the same time. As she went around the track (very slowly), all the things that could go wrong kept popping into my head. Was she going to crash? Should I have made her wear the helmet? She’s completely out of my sight now – what if something happens and I’m not there to help. Am I going to have to run out on the track to pull her from a fiery wreck?!? And then she came around the corner, both hands gripping the wheel, very intent on driving. As soon as she saw me, she broke out in an ear-to-ear grin. They went around the track for a few more minutes. When she got out, she came running over to me and said "That was TOTALLY COOL!!!!!" Yes, it was. I let go just a little bit and nothing bad happened.
On our way to the car after the party was over, she turned to me and asked "Can I drive?" Oh please, honey! Mommy needs to take this in baby steps!
Today is the beginning of our 5th Annual "Turkey Sale". What’s a turkey sale? Well, I wish every product we picked was a winner, but some of them are turkeys. And there is no room for turkeys in the Scrap Your Trip warehouse! So, there are over 1,300 "turkeys" marked down to 40% off. But…1,100 of them we have 25 or less on hand. On the first day of last year’s turkey sale, we sold out of more than 75% of the items. Don’t put them in your wish list or your registry – chances are they will be gone by the time you get back. We will be removing things from the site as quickly as we can, so if something was in your shopping cart and then it’s not, it’s because we sold the last one. If two orders come in for something and we only have one – the item will stay on the first order in and we will issue a credit to the second person. I’m looking forward to getting these "turkeys" out of the warehouse. Our holiday products are starting to arrive (Basic Grey Wassail came in yesterday) and they need a shelf to call home. Click here to get started:
http://www.scrapyourtrip.com/clearance.html.
As always, thanks for your business!
Julie Swatek, President
Scrap Your Trip®
www.ScrapYourTrip.com
‘cuz life is a trip worth scrappin’®
12 Comments
1. tera&hellip | November 5th, 2008 at 9:32 am
could you get more stuff on girl’s night out?
2. Rhonda&hellip | November 5th, 2008 at 9:42 am
I highly recommend you consider Girl Scouts for your daughter. With a mission of “building girls of courage, confidence and character who make the world a better place,” girls have the chance to learn leadership skills in an all girl environment. And you as her mom can be as involved as you would like! This can be her opportunity to stretch her wings and grow strong.
3. Hope&hellip | November 5th, 2008 at 9:56 am
Julie, you did the best thing for her by letting out the “kite string” a bit and letting her fly! It gets harder as they get older. As the mother of two sons, 17 and 20, they are driving great distances, going to college parties, etc. I hold my breath until they return home safely! So I completely understand your trepidations, but you need to let her experience life…As you say, baby steps…
4. Auntie Nancy&hellip | November 5th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Dear Jules -
I was like you -always the one to be overprotective, trying to shield Nicole and Jeff from anything and anyone that would harm them. Of course, Uncle Chuck thought I was being ridiculous and insisted that they both needed to get those “lumps and bumps” or they would never become confident, productive adults. And many times he would win out, letting them experience things that would make me shudder. Well, guess what? I am proud to say – and I am sure you will agree, that Jeff and Nicole have indeed become those self-assured, well-rounded, fun loving adults – armed with knowledge of when to take those risks and when to take a step back because of the wonderful insight their dad had in allowing them to “spread their wings”.
I am proud of you for letting Lauren “fly”!!
Auntie Nancy
5. Denise&hellip | November 5th, 2008 at 10:15 am
Loved your story but it brought tears to my eyes because I have 2 girls who should be the age of yours but are now teenagers. My oldest just went to college with her own car and as much as I didn’t want to let her go off and especially with a car, I had to let go. It’s a terrible thing to let go but it is so nice when they prove to you that they can do it because you know that you have done your job as a parent. Enjoy your time with her and make the most of it. It goes by so fast. You should feel proud of yourself for giving her as Hope put it more kite string.
6. Heather&hellip | November 5th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I have 3 kids, 2 in college and my baby is a senior in high school. I am also an RN and I’ve seen first hand the dangers that lurk out there. Your story rang true to me, though. You did right by your daughter and for yourself. You are among many loving mothers who want the very best for their children. Letting go is truly an daily process. Hang in there!
7. Claudia&hellip | November 5th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Congratulations on your first step to letting go. I believe I am the first and original helicopter parent now grandparent. I have 9 baby gates, locks, gadgets and gizmos on every cabinet and drawer. Soft pads to protect his head and my tables, and umpteen outlet protectors. HOW did this happen? I was one of those kids brought up in the 60′s. Car seats? My parents had one but it hooked over the back of the seat. Chemicals were kept UNLOCKED and UNDER the kitchen sink. My fathers work shop was my play ground. On a warm summer day we would leave the house after our breakfast of sugar coated cocoa bombs, to go play and not come back until it was dark. We swam in ponds, waded in streams, caught poly wogs, rode our bikes, without helmets to the corner store for candy. We played on playgrounds without supervision too and if we got hurt, we got hurt and learned not to do it again. And e-gads we watched Bugs Bunny cartoons before they cut out the violent parts.
When did it happen? I became a helicopter mom. We’ve taught our children to be afraid of the world. My daughter, 25 years ago, never went outside to play by herself, you never know who might be lurking about. I even had baby locks back then and of course the latest car seat. Helmets on bikes and go carts were a must. I was even band mom when she was in high school to be there for her just in case.
Girl scouts and Boy Scouts did wonders for my kids. (Yes, I was a leader for those too) It gave them confidence, and reassurance that they can try and fail. And the world will go on and I will be there to give them a hand up, dust them off and try again. Failing is a part of life. I think we do our children a terrible disservice by never letting them fail. Out in the real adult world, there is failure. Marriages, firings from jobs, even death. But by allowing them to fail, but being there to support them when, not if, they do, then failure is no longer failure. It’s called a lesson.
Then they are gone. One day, after they learn to drive and graduate school, they go off to college, and you can not be there to protect them anymore.
We do our best to prepare our kids for this crazy scary world we live in. We do our best and then let them go, then we get …………………..
GRANDCHILDREN!!!!!!!
8. Terri Brewster&hellip | November 5th, 2008 at 11:09 am
Julie,
Good for you, you absolutely did the right thing for your daughter. Being a parent is the hardest job ever because it means you have to teach them to be independent, self-sufficient, and able to handle life’s bumps and not their best friend. I have witnessed this several times when working at our local college in the photography department. I had a girl’s mom call in for her asking to speak with her professor. She said her daughter was having trouble keeping up with assignments, and she wanted to find a way to help her, she thought there was to much work in the class and needed a conference. Can you imagine having your mom pave the way for you in college. Life isn’t fair and perfect, but we all have to find our own way. I would rather cut the cord, and watch my son fly, given the tools to do so, than always depending on us to pave the way. Just take baby steps, and remember how proud you will be and the joy you will experience when you see how she maneuvers through life because her parents taught her how.
9. Barbara Smith&hellip | November 5th, 2008 at 11:59 am
I only wanted to add that- that is the way we learn- through mistakes- let your kids make them. When they get older they will resent your hovering. Glad you realize now what you were doing.
10. Kay Munson&hellip | November 5th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
After a couple years as the “world’s most overly protective parent” as my husband calls me, I voluntarily gave up my role as full time security detail. My daughter has blossomed into a confident, self reliant 12 year old! I still insist she wear a helmet, but I’ve stopped going to the barn to watch her riding lessons with clinched teeth. Now when she tells me about cantering around the arena, I just say a quiet prayer. It’s better for her and me, and my dentist is happier too!
11. Sue Ogden&hellip | November 5th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
Boy could I identify with your story about your daughter. You most certainly did the right thing. My son is 22 now and I wasn’t always the best at letting him experience life without me hovering. The best thing I ever did was getting him a car to drive at the end of his Jr. year of High School. It gave him a lot of independence, which I realize now was exactly what he needed.
12. Pat Simmons&hellip | November 5th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
A little note to make everyone smile. Yes, I was an over protective mother – and grandmother. This past summer I took my nine-year old grandson to South Dakota (Mt. Rushmore, you know!), just he and I. We did a lot of things; hiking, swimming in Sylvan Lake, Wild Horse sanctuary, etc. On our last day we had time to go to the chair lifts where you go up in the chairs, but can come down in the bob sled or chair. My plan was to come back down in the chair, thank you very much. Kyler encouraged me to do the bob sled with, grandma you can do it; come on it’s easy, etc. Well, I did it with white knuckles, and was slower than slow, but got down. At the end he said, “grandma, I knew you could do it. I’m so proud of you”. The role reversal has begun!