147 Comments

• 1. Debi&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:43 am

  I agree with you. I have a 6 year old grand daugher and they have her involved with 3 things during the week. The weather is starting to change and she just wants to play with her friends outside and it always seems to be a arguement with her parents to get her ready to leave after school. First she must hurry and do homework, then eat something really quick, then get ready to leave. They get home in time for a bath and bed. I SAY LEAVE THE GIRL ALONE AND LET HER BE A KID.

• 2. trish&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:43 am

  i have 3 daughters and we had been in dance for the past 5 yrs and this year my girls came to me and said they were burnt out. they are only 6, 8 & 10 and between being at dance 2 nights a week from 4-8 and homework… it was too much! i have decided its their decision and i will supprot them either way. i know its good to get them involved but school alone is way more stressful for them these days. as long as my kids arent just sitting around eating and playing video games i’m ok with them not being involved in everything.

• 3. Hilary&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:45 am

  I am kind of your side Julie, I didn’t want to give up family time to shuttle our girls all over the place. Our solution was one sport and Girl Scouts, as opposed to one sport every season.
  Now my daughters are 15 and 12, the oldest is very involved in her HS band and volunteering and the youngest dances once a week and has piano lessons once a week.
  Hope this helps.

• 4. Victoria&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:46 am

  My husband has been doing judo since he was 5 so we offered it to our 3 boys (4, 6 and 16 years). They all love it so I started (at the tender age of 34!). We all have practice on Sunday evenings (kids class, then adult class). My husband coaches a more competitive class on Wednesdays so that’s “momma time” with our little ones. That’s it – one night a week for sports. We are getting ready to start little league t-ball but that’s 1 practice a week and one game a week so it doesn’t clutter up the schedule too much. My sister has her daughters in gymnastics and they are at the gym 5 days a week for classes. She’s a single mom so not only is it hard for the kids to squeeze in time to be a kid but it’s impossible for her to find time to date or hang out with friends. Sports are great (especially team sports), but I believe parents need to put their foot down and not let the sports run everyone’s lives.

• 5. Wendy Adee&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:46 am

  I think the competiveness is all in the coaches and the parents. My son is playing baseball (his senior year in HS) – the boys are not “state champion” candidates, but the girls spftball team is – the boys watch the coach and how she pushes the girls, and they are glad they are playing for fun! You need to find the right fit for your kids – We live near Cooperstown NY, baseball mecca, and the $$ and energy that goes into YOUTH baseball teams is amazing –
  I agree with you – Let your kids be KIDS, and find a sport that they love, and they will excell – they dont need to be pro-tennis stars, just get some exercise and learn the rules of the game. It teached them to be gracious losers, as we as gracious winners!

• 6. Donna Zane&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:47 am

  My husband & I have 10 year old triplets (2 boys, 1 girl) and we have let them try different things over the years (gymnastics, piano lessons, guitar lessons, soccer) but have always based on decisions on the time commitment for the entire family. We all need to be able to have a life other than any one activity. Its important to get a sense of the coach, teacher, leader, etc. because the experience should be FUN not pressured (we’ve all seen the “over the top” coaches and parents). And we always ask the kids from time to time if they are enjoying what they’re doing and if not then that’s probably when it’s time to stop. Hope this helps.

• 7. Ruthie&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:49 am

  My son played baseball & hockey only for fun. My daughter Lauren decided to do dance. She loved it so much that she joined the competition team which required a huge commitment. This was her decision! I as a parent had to work two jobs to make this happen. I believe that if your child LOVES something that you can put your life on hold. However, I do not believe a child should be forced into a certain sport. My daughter had a passion for dance and has no regrets. She’s had the opportunity to perform on Broadway & all over the US. Being in dance and having such a big commitment at a young age has helped by daughter later on in life.
  Enjoy your time with your children NOW. Share the time with them with what they LOVE doing. You’ll have plenty of time in the future when they are all grown up to have your Saturday’s and week nights to yourself. Trust me you won’t regret it. It’s very lonely when they are gone. Good Luck!

• 8. Kim Szczublewski&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:49 am

  I believe the whole kids and sports thing has gotten a bit out of hand, BUT you can make it what you want. Plus the child usually steers you in the right direction. I have 2 kids…10 yr old boy and 7 yr old girl. The bot wants to do everything and just does it for the enjoyment. We have stayed away from travel teams and stuck more to the recreational stuff. This gives him the opportunity ti find his niche. We have also been blessed with a great community with great coaches who, for the most part, encourage teamwork above winning. My daughter does gymnastics 3 days a week and it is tough. They are asking for 6 weeks of commitment over her 8 week summer break. I have decided she is too young to do this and am hoping to talk to them about it. I think as parents we can read our children and make the best choice for them. They know what they want to do and usually stay away from the stuff they don’t like. Go with your heart AND speak to them…you’d be surprised what they have to say about the whole thing!!
  Good luck!
  Kim

• 9. Mary&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:50 am

  Let your kids decide…mine choose sports. We exposed them to all the different things when they were growing up. We did gymnastics, basketball, t-ball, tennis, piano, dance etc….My daughters enjoyed basketball and volleyball. Thats what they continued with thru school. One is graduating this year . My son choose hockey…teetered towards basketball but ended up with his love of hockey. We had the one rule that you can try anything you want, but we don’t quit. We can choose not to re-enroll the following season, but we saw it out. My kids enjoy sports…they aren’t hooked on video games etc. (thank god) They are all three on honor roll and live a very balanced life. But then again we as parents don’t believe we have the next Wayne Gretzky or WNBA star on our hands, they play cause they enjoy it and as parents we encourage and support them. Just don’t be parents that let it take over your life, offer balance and they can have a successful time playing sports and get many life learning lessons and skills out of it…believe me mine have. Enjoy!

• 10. June B&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:50 am

  Let the kids try 1 activity per year, each. Our daughter has been doing Winterguard for 7 years. It’s a costly sport, both in terms of time and money, but it has been a good experience for her. It keeps her busy from September to mid April.

  One thing I have never liked about team sports was the over the top coaches and parents. You don’t see that in Winterguard.

  Parents who overschedule – 2 or 3 sports/activities – the kids burn out, they burn out..when it becomes more work than fun it’s time to quit.

• 11. Bonnie&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:51 am

  My twins have been involved in soccer since they were 4 years old (they are now 11). It has been wonderful for both of them. It has taught them teamwork, how to win but more importantly how to lose with grace, they are both also 2nd degree black belts in TaiKwonDo. They don’t do karate anymore, but soccer is something they both look forward to. They have fun with their teammates, look forward to the season starting and are sad when it ends. They are both in a local league, not competitive in that it’s an everyday commitment, they practice 2 days a week, one game a week and the season lasts only 7 weeks twice a year (spring and fall). It has been great for my kids. We have been approached several times for my daughter to join a “competitive team” but we just say no. That is lots of commitment and the girls tend to think they are better than the other girls. At this age, it should just be fun and learn to be a part of a team effort.

• 12. Joanne Fineberg&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:51 am

  If the child is really, really into the activity, let him/her play – who knows, maybe there’s an ahtletic or dance scholarship down the road if the child sticks with it!! Outside activities can foster sportsmanship, teamwork and widen a child’s horizons, but they can also be demanding and, unfortunately, sometimes cruel. Teaching your kids to deal with these nasty situations also prepares them for adulthood – life isn’t always fair, but overall it’s good as most people they’ll meet are good, honest & decent.

  Check out the sport schedules, talk to other parents in the leagues and see if it’s too much for both you and your kids.

  My parents, with 5 kids, allowed only 1 activity per child, whether it was scouts, sports, the arts – not only did they have to deal with getting 5 of us to these activities and paying for them, they were like you, wanting each of us to have time to do schoolwork and just play at being kids – the competitive real world will come soon enough!!

• 13. Kathie&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:54 am

  Hi Julie, I also agree with you. When our daughter was 8, we signed her up for girls’ softball so she could have something to do. Since she’s an only child, we thought it would be a good way to meet other kids. I was shocked and appalled at how competitive and downright nasty some of the parents and coaches were. That, in and of itself, was enough to make me take a step back and seriously look at what we were doing. I felt the risk of possibly damaging her self-confidence due to other people’s insane idea of what children’s sports should be was not worth it and we skipped the whole sports thing after that. All of my friends (who have boys) have them so immersed in sports that they literally do not have lives outside of school and sports. I wanted my daughter to have a childhood ,not a crazy, out-of-control schedule that gave her no time to be a kid. I am, however, very happy to tell you that at age 17, we signed her up for Taekwondo at a very wonderful place (after much research and the questioning of many school owners) that is full of very supportive people who encourage her and she loves it. We go twice per week for one hour and that is all that is required. Her only competition is herself, she can go at her own pace. It is wonderful, so there are things out there that they can enjoy that don’t totally take over their lives, or yours. I say let them be kids! They have to grow up and be competitive too early as it is.

• 14. Ronnie Crowley&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 9:56 am

  Its way way out of control and the pressure to keep up with everyone is huge. You get the feeling if you don’t do it your letting your child down. How will they ever get to college if they don’t do these things. Why should a nine year old boy have to choose between sports. He doesn’t know at that age which sport he really likes or is best at but the coaches want them to because the seasons overlap. I don’t know what the answer is. My son plays two soccer teams and basketball in the off season he would love to play other sports but we just can’t do it. In the soccer season he has a minimum of 4 days a week with practice or games. My daughter is a dancer and she has dance 5 days a week – then the 6 day is piano lesson. She has to do piano practice before school due to the dance. But to be part of the “company” dance she is required to be at so many lessons a week plus rehearsal – she’s doing about 15 hours a week at dance at the age of 12. Is this too much yes. But she loves it. Luckily she finds school easy so the homework isn’t yet a major issue but it will become one most of the older dancer are home schooled so they don’t have this issue. This isn’t a choice we will take.
  The issue is also that some of these kids don’t even rest for the summer. Many are in major camps over the summer and you feel that your letting your kids down again if you don’t pay for these.

  The problem is once you get to a certain age there isn’t a non competitive option. Its all or nothing. Once your kids reach this level if they don’t choose the ‘select’ or ‘ competitive’ route they are with the also runs and the level skills of fall.

  Not an answer I know but I can totally relate to your issues. We only have dinner together on Sunday nights now consistently and to do that my daughter isn’t in the youth group at church who meet Sunday because its the only night available!

• 15. Karen Leidal&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:00 am

  Oh Julie. I feel your pain. I am the mother of 2 wonderful, well-adjusted young adults. My daughter is 22 and my son is 18. Of course we faced the same problem you are experiencing. While it may have been less competitive than it is now, it has changed WAY too much from when we were kids. I can only tell you what we did and what worked for our children. Starting at the normal age we encouraged them to sign up for a sport and musical instrument. After trial and error over a few years, my daughter settled on horse-back riding and the piano, and my son joined karate and played piano and also the viola. the viola was through school so the lessons took place during the school day. We ate dinner together every night except for one. I can still remember driving to piano lessons, karate, and to the barn all on one night but it allowed us to have family meals the other 6. My daughter said her friends were always amazed when she told her friends this but I truly, absolutely believe with all my heart that this is what kept us close. I never regretted them participating in individual athletics and playing music. When I listened to my friends complain about the competition, other parents and time commitment I knew we made the right decision. You can only do what works best for you but I think you need to consider how much childrens’ activities have changed from when we were young. Enjoy them because before you know it you will be an empty-nester like me, not that I’m complaining because now I have time to do what I like!!!!
  Cheers, Karen

• 16. Terra Lyon&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:01 am

  I am a teacher and work with coaches obviously. They have said time and time again that peewee sports are to teamwork and the basics. In fact, one female coach I worked with and loved coaching volleyball because there hadn’t been a lot of “damage done” and didn’t have to spend a lot of time undoing the bad coaching. This comes from a state winning coach. The best football players I ever saw never played youth football. Having coached at a middleschool level myself I can say that kids are taught incorrectly by well meaning parents. This is not to say that club sports aren’t good, but they are really available for almost anyone willing to spend the time and money on it. Personally, my daughter is a dancer. She took one or two dance classes out of choice while other children were taking four or five times a week. She is now in the same class as the others doing the same if not better as the others and started pointe this year along with all the others. Just FYI! Hope this helps you make decisions for your own family!

• 17. Elizabeth Krafnick&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:02 am

  Please listen. It will save you and your children a lot of heartache. I have three boys, 16,19 and 23. I can’t tell you how things were when my husband played in the 70′s BUT I can tell you how it is now. My oldest played baseball from the age of 5 until senior year of high school and now that he is in grad school, he plays on an adult softball team. I watched him pitch, sit on the bench and spend hours upon hours at practices only not to play. That is ultimately why he quit senior year. And yes, if you want to play at higher levels you better start no later than coach pitch or forget. Every coach I know (including to a certain extent my own husband) in this blue collar town was out to relive their “Glory Days” (nothing like throwing in a little reference to the Boss!). And that is how they treated the kids; if you were consistently good you no doubt had a positive experience. So, why as a good mom, did I continue to let my oldest play? Why did he even want to play? Because he LOVED playing baseball and until senior yr of high school was willing to sit on the bench a lot during games just for the chance to play. He also was in the plays in high school so he did have something to compare sports to and he loved being in the plays. That and natural talent are the only valid reasons for kids to play organized sports. If you are lucky enough to have enough kids in the neighborhood, you’d be better off organizing some sandlot games.

  My younger two? Praise the Lord they preferred music, dance and drama. AND, they learned as much if not more about teamwork. If one musician misses practices or misplays during a concert it hurts the whole band. If a dancer misses practice and fails to learn the steps (although dance is REALLY expensive) it makes everyone look bad. And if a stage hand forgets a spotlight or an actor forgets his lines, the show can crumble; everybody must pull together. AND, with the exception of our current high school drama moderator who is being asked to leave, no conductor, instructor or director has ever yelled at, belittled or otherwise destroyed a child’s self esteem.

  In short(?!), if all your are looking for is exercise and lessons in teamwork, there are other ways to accomplish that. The ONLY reason to keep your child in organized sports past the first year or two is because he or she absolutely loves it. Sorry to go on but I feel very passionate about this. Good luck!

• 18. Bernadette&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:02 am

  I have to say the older my son gets the more politics get involved. My son is 9 and has played in little league for spring and fall ball since he was 4/5. The overall experience has been fun. Fall ball is to be an instruction time (no competition). Last fall was the absolute worst experience ever!One coach/father aparently forgot that it was supposed to be fun and a learning time and not spring training for the big leagues. I’m told that it gets worse as the kids get older. I feel as long as the kids are having fun and you are able, get involved.

• 19. Barbara Vinson&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:07 am

  I have two kids – my 24 year old son is in law school and my 22 year old daughter is graduating in May with a teaching degree. Both tried every sport/activity in the world and, yes, our lives were crazy. Many of their good friends today came from those experiences. Yes, it is competitive but so is school, work, life, etc. My daughter tried every sport and played volleyball and basketball in junior high. In high school she was a cheerleader for three years – thanks gymnastics! Not all coaches are good but we used those experiences to talk about how life can sometimes be unfair. And having worked in a high school, I can say the kids who stay busy are the ones who stay out of trouble – doesn’t have to be sports – can be UIL, dance, etc. – just something!

• 20. Judy G&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:08 am

  I have been on both sides. I had the childhood you wish for your children and I grew up to be an intelligent, happy, but non athletic adult who had trouble with their weight. Fortunately, events lead me to exercise and I have learned to enjoy it. I even got involved in volunteering with middle school sports. (They always need volunteers.) What I have decided is that running (cross country, track, etc) is a really good activity for kids. 1. Running is about you against your past time, not against others. You can “win” an event if you beat your previous time. You do not have to come in first overall. Even the slowest kid will improve over time. They all feel a sense of accomplishment. 2. In running sports the kids from all schools intermingle. It is a wonderful way to meet kids from other areas and walks of life. 3. Good sportmanship is encouraged. I can not tell you how many times I have witnessed two kids REALLY battling it out for the finish line and seen the second on immediately congratulate the first one. They know what it takes to dig deep and find that extra kick. 4. Running gives you confidence. You feel if you can run a mile you can do anything. 5. Running is one of the few sports that can be carried over into adulthood. 5. As long as you don’t start kids too soon, running is NOT hard on the body. 6. Running can be year round with local 5k races, etc. The running community is very close. They are extremely supportive of kids who run. &. Running can also be a family affair. Most of the 5ks have a walking component. Some family members can walk if others want to run.

  One last thing, running is time based so there is less opportunity for favoritism or cheating by coaches, etc.

  Anyway, that is my two cents. It is a difficult decision. Good luck. Judy

• 21. Andrea&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:10 am

  First I would like to start off by saying I enjoy receiving your e-mails with your blog. It’s nice to have that personal touch added from someone’s business.

  I grew up in the world of athletics and I now work in the college athletics. However I also grew up in the world of girl scouts, chorus and other such activities. I believe parents need to find that even balance for their own kids and what fits their lifestyle. I believe children need to experience every realm to find their hidden talents.

  My mother was not athletic, however she attended ever sporting event of myself and my sister. She was supportive 100% of the time. My mother is highly artistic and creative and she taught me that through Girl Scouts. I have been blessed with athletic talent as well as creative talent. I would not have learned what I have in life it wasn’t for the extracurricular activities I participated in. I would not have learned what I have it wasn’t for my parents sacrifice of their time and support of my interests.

  I would hope parents would support your children’s interests, be it athletic, artistic or musical, and help them expand their horizons; to see what the world has to offer them. Parents also have to realize that line between fun and uber-competitiveness and see if it is good for their child. I completely agree that it is too competitive from an early age. Many children are now “one-sport” athletes, instead of being a “multiple-sport” athlete. I feel that can be a detriment to their learning.

  Parents need to be conscious of how it is affecting their children and know when to put the limits on them. They also need to be aware of their child and not forcing them to do an activity that they are not fully enjoying.

  If you’re at that soccer game, not so much interested, that’s a time to take in the glory of the day, the weather, the sunshine and the smiles on the kids faces. Then take them out for an ice cream cone. Win or lose!

  Because in the end I truly believe participation in any activity is about the life lessons and the friends you make…not about the winning or losing.

• 22. Cindy Courington&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:10 am

  From one Logan’s Mom to another, My Logan will be graduating from HS in a few weeks. He has been an avid baseball player from the age of 5 every year all season long. As we fill out scholarship applications and work on college admissions, his involvement in sports as definately filled a few blanks, I too wanted him to have a carefree child hood and now I wish I had him in a few more activities. The involvement in community, sports, church and any other activities is essential to the application process. I wonder at times if I had failed by not pushing him to achieve more. If your kids want to participate then by all means let them, since your daughter has found her place in tennis let her excel in that, if she wants to try something else let her, Logan will find his sport and place in the community and will excel also, let him. It has been a great experience for my Logan and for me. I will miss the games.

• 23. Christine MA&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:11 am

  Do what you feel is best for you & yours. For us that was to allow the kids to come to us whenever they had an interest in trying out a new activity. When it got to the point that they wanted to do more than one, we had to put our foot down & let them know that they can pick one per season. It taught them to prioritize their interests. If we have an activity on the weekend. 95% of the time we go as a family. That’s part of our family time together. My son has played soccer for 10 yrs. We have definitely run into that coach that is over the top & is only there for the win. We spoke our mind to him & our son. Then left it up to our son if he wanted to continue. He is 14, so we felt he should have a say as long as his safety was not in danger. He chose to step down from that team & play for another that is there to have fun. If they win, that’s great, if not, oh well. My daughter dances & does for 8 hours a week. She loves it & it was her choice. She also started to dance for the comp team & has been told by us & her teacher that the first goal is to have fun. And awards are just a bonus. Another thing that helps us is my husband volunteers to coach when the opportunity is there. Surround yourself & children with role models you want them around. Also I repeatedly tell my children that when it stops being fun, let us know. It’s time to stop playing. Good luck with your decision.

• 24. Leigh Gregg&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:14 am

  Ah – the bane of any parent’s existence: how much is too much and how much is too little? I have three grown children – Male almost 30, girls 28 and 26. They are well rounded, productive and self-supporting. As they were growing up I had several hard/fast rules:

  1. One sport at a time (with minor overlap allowed for making the playoffs) Dance was not considered a sport in our house – but an activity.
  2. If you start a season you finish a season (no slackers allowed)
  3. No games or practices on church days (for us that was Sunday and Wednesday)
  4. No more than 2 “collectibles” per child: Star Wars, Care Bears, Lego, Barbies, etc.
  5. No more than 3 on-going activities per child at a time – not including church: thus – dance, softball and girl scouts for one; soccer, boy scouts, violin; choir, softball, and dance.

  And, Mom’s rule for the duration: Mom has last word on any practice, game, event, recital, etc. If Mom says no – then it means NO!

  Sounds harsh, but this stuff can get way out of hand. I see parents living through their children’s success. And, the activities will change over the years: drama, dance, baseball, basketball, football, poetry club, etc. I believe they need to experience variety.

  Also, each summer we participated in various events and programs through the city recreation department – in all areas of the city – so that the children could experience people of other faiths, cultures, socio-economic conditions. When my children went to Junior High and High School they already knew many of the kids from other Elementary Schools because of their participation in Rec Club activities. It made a difference.

  Bottom line – you are the adult – not them.

• 25. Margie&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:16 am

  I have 3 boys 24, 21 and 10 the 24 yr old played baseball for just a couple of years. the 21 yr old played baseball and football all through HS, the 10 yr old plays baseball now for the past 5 yrs, the inportant thing is it was there decision the ony requirement i had was if they started a season the must finish it as to not become the kind of person who quites all the time. then at the begining of the next season I would ask them if the wanted to play again. As for me I hate sports but I really enjoy watching my children play anything and wouldn’t trade those memories for anything. So I say if they want to try let them as for your time if your worried about family time ,go with them. I’ve had more time with my family through sports and scouts than anything else.

• 26. Angela&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:16 am

  My son has played baseball, football and basketball. When he was in the seventh grade he said that he just wanted to play one sport which was basketball. Which was a relief to me because it allowed us to free up some time. Of course basketball became year around because he played in summer leagues and traveled. I remember spending hours in a hot gym during the summer waiting for his team to play. He is now a sophomore in college and plays for the school. I think its a good thing if kids play an organized sport. He learned so much and I think it made him a well rounded person. Looking back those hours I spent in a gym or sitting in my car waiting for practice to end were well worth it.

• 27. Cheryl&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:18 am

  I’m with you 100% on this issue. Whatever happened to a friendly neighborhood game of softball, basketball, street hockey etc??? Who decided we need to plan every waking minute of our childrens lives? Todays children don’t know how to entertain themselves because everything they do is planned and structured. Like you, I was never athletically inclined. When I was a kid, gym class was torture, so forget about joining any sport. I am so glad I didn’t feel any peer pressure or pressure from my parents to get involved in lots of outside activities. I joined a few clubs after school and at church but realized very quickly they just weren’t my thing. I prefered to spend my free time cooking with my Mom, reading and sewing. Saturday was our day together in the kitchen and when I was in my teens, my day to prepare dinner for the family. Evenings were for homework, my first priority. My grandchildren are caught up in this “join everything” frenzy. Their parents work full time and spend their evenings and weekends driving them from one activity to another. In the end, there is very little time left to spend as a family or individually.

• 28. Teresa&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:20 am

  My son played baseball from time he was walking practically it seems. He absolutely loved having a ball in his hand at all times. We supported his passion, my husband loved every moment of the time they spent together, and so did I. we traveled many places due to baseball-many wonderful family memories together.We took so much pride in his determination to be the best pitcher he could be. We used it as a tool for reward or consequences (bad grades no baseball). Well those years of time and effort payed off greatly. He was drafted by the MLB out of high school offered good money-but instead choose to use the wonderful scholarship he was offered to go onto to college for now.He is doing awesome, and will be able to be drafted again in a couple of years. What started out as fun,play time, and exercise for the entire family has turned into a dream come true for my son. it does not get any better than that as a parent. Yes there were many days when it was a lot of work for us-when it did not fit our schedule-but life is short. Kids grow up and move away-and you wish so many days you could snap your fingers and return to those moments in time. if they show a true love for something go with it-if you have to drag them to practice don’t bother with it. they themselves will show you how important or not it is to them. Team sports teach things to our children all kinds of life lessons we could never begin to. Life is a team sport in one way or another-everyone including mom and dad need a lesson, or experience on that once in awhile!!!!!!

• 29. Kathy&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:21 am

  This is the first time I am leaving any kind of comment. It was never an issue in our house, our kids were going to be in sports and that is all there was to it. My husband was in punt, pass & kick competition since he was very little, did bow & arrow competitions with his dad, played baseball, tennis, football and even wrestled you name it he did it. BUT it also paved his way for a very successful high school career of football and it also paid his way though collage with a free ride football scholarship just for kicking a football. I on the other hand only played girls basketball and volleyball in high school. So when we started having kids it was a given. Or son Chris played T-ball and went all the way up the ranks in baseball until I believe 7th grade when a coach told him he was batting wrong. He was left handed by batted right so he looked a little awkward but always hit the ball out of the park he was the best hitter on his teams well after the coach got a hold of him he never hit the ball again, always stuck out so after that season he hung up his glove and never played again. He tried football in high school and did okay but found his passion in boys volleyball and played all 4 years in high school. There was a 5 year gap between he and our next son then 19 months between our son and daughter so it got tricky. I NEVER missed a game…… My husband and I played tag team a lot and it got really tricky when Chris played at a totally different field then the younger two but we managed. When Anthony & Nikki were in junior high they both were on cross country so that was easy and it was right after school and different nights than the volleyball games. Nikki played soccer but it was a different season that Anthony’s sports. It all worked out…….. We also fit in cub scouts, boy scouts and girl scouts. Chris went though cub scouts only but Anthony went all the way though and I am proud to say is an Eagle Scout. Nikki did girl scouts all the way though 8th grade and I was her leader and cookie mom. Now my baby in a freshman in collage and let me tell you I MISS all of the running around and look forward to going to grand kids games now. My daughter in law is a special ed teacher at the high school she & all my kids graduated from and she coaches girls & boys volleyball so I still get my fix and I go to her games. If I had to do it all over again would I? Would I subject myself to the crazy schedules and running from here to there IN A HEART BEAT. My mom use to tell me, let them be kids, let them do NOTHING…….. I would respond, if they did NOTHING that is when kids start getting in trouble. I have great kids and I thank God everyday for them and all the things we did with them when they were younger. My oldest son & his wife are expecting their first child in June and they are already talking about what each of them is going to coach for their sons team. Chris has commented many times about his fondest memories was when his dad was his coach. Oh and my husband and I both worked full time jobs. Would NOT trade it for the world……..

• 30. Tricia&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:22 am

  My kids are grown now but my husband and I believed they should make the decisions about what they wanted to participate in and to what extent. Many of their friends were heavily involved in sports with very supportive families. My children tried various sports but found their interests were in music and theater. They spent hours at practice, lessons and rehearsals. These activities can also be very competitive. I say let the children take the lead on what is just right and what is too much. Watch their behavior, grades and social life. Guide them to keep a good balance.

• 31. Connie&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:23 am

  Sports is the best activity for kids today. it helps them maintain a good GPA, no drugs or drinking allowed or no playing. The friendship that builds and the teamwork they learn will carry over into adults. My son played football, wrestling, track. he is 35 still has the same close friends from school sports. I never gave up time at all these events it was time well invested. I grew close to my son through these activities. As well as the other boys that hung out at our house after the games or on the weekends. we were all a close family and still are. These same young men are at our family gatherings today. Be a part of your kids lives through sports and be a family to a kid that might not have that hot meal waiting after the game or practice. The more you give as a parent the more you get back as an older parent. Injuries? Yes but it could be a gang shooting instead, give me the sports injuries any day and no drugs. I have two children, both love sports dont smoke, drink very little and no drugs. thank you Coaches and sports.

• 32. Sandy&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:25 am

  Julie, I have two boys 14 & 11. They play sports all year long. We go from one sport to the next. They both love soccer and baseball. My one son plays both rec. baseball and travel baseball. It was his decision to play both. It is alot of work. We have practice almost every night now that baseball as started between the two boys. We will be playing almost every weekend. Both my husband and I enjoy watching the boys do what they want. My husband also has coached their teams. It is a very big committment!!! I do agree with Tony on the kids learning to be a team player. It has taught my boys to learn how to play with other kids and learn how to win and lose and be good sports about it. So, far they both do very well in school, so that makes it easier to let them play. I wouldn’t spend so much time on the sports fields if my boys didn’t want to play. They both are hoping to play sports as a career later down the road. You do give up your weekends, but that is fine with me, as long as we are together!! We also have two older girls and they come to as many games as they can to watch their brother’s play. They enjoy cheering them on!!! I hope this helps some.

• 33. clk&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:32 am

  I have 2 children. My son, now 25, is a police officer. As a child he tried several sports – each for a season. It wasn’t for him. He wanted to get involved with Scouting. It turned out to be just the thing that he needed. We allowed him the chance to try new things, expecting him to fulfill his commitment to a team for a season. He did just that. Scouting made our lives crazy, but my son made the decision to stick with it and I believe that it has helped to make him the great guy that he is today.
  My daughter is a high school senior. She got involved in dance and gymnastics at a very early age. She was 3 and it went against everything that I believe in. However, she was trying to do flips off of the couch. I thought a padded gym with trained instructors was more safe than breaking her neck at home. The gym/dance school is non-competitive. In that, I mean that there is no team. Come dance recital time, it doesn’t matter how good you are, everyone has the same amount of time at the front of the stage. I know that at some dance schools only the better dancers stand in front. This school is about learning to move, doing moves properly, and having fun. She now works at that studio, yes if they have extra time during the evening – she checks their homework and report cards, and still takes several lessons during the week. She is also into music, playing several instruments and singing, and will be entering college in fall to study music therapy.
  She once told me that she wanted to be in Girl Scouts. I said fine – what are we quitting to do that. She said never mind. There are times that I wish she was just a bit more competitive, but I admire the fact that she acknowledges her peers who might play a particular piece better than she does, and she is happy for her friends when they excel even if she didn’t do quite as good as she could have.
  I think it’s important to see what your kids interests are and let them make some decisions, but guide them if it looks like they are taking on too much.
  This is what worked for my family. I wish you well as you begin to make some of these hard decisions.

• 34. Melinda&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:33 am

  I am a high school softball coach and I have several kids each year that decide as freshman that they want to play softball. YOu have to realize that they are playing against ans with other girls that have been playing since they were 5, or 8 or even 10. I have to spend alot of time of the new girls just teaching them how to throw and catch. When I have to do this they are not getting the most out of practice and they are not going to be competative. I have three girls right now that will have very little playing time because they are not experienced or knowledgable enough to be on this field.
  Ona personal note, I have a 6 yr old son and an 8 year old daughter and they both love to play ball, at this point it is t-ball and softball. They consider going to practice to be fun- its still playing to them. We live in the country so they can’t go outside and down the street to find a friend to play with, so practice is that time. My daughter has been selected the last two years to be a part of an all-star team, both years we have made it to the national tournment. Yes, softball consumed our lives for 2 summers, but it was an experience of a lifetime and she got to do it twice.
  So, all in all, let your kids dcide what they want to do. Remember it is our job as parents to support our kids, even if it does take away our weekends, haha. If the kids want to be involved, let them be. Later in life, Junior high and high school, athletics will give them motivation to work hard and hopefully will not give them the time to get in trouble. That is my plan. Good Luck!!

• 35. Debbie&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:56 am

  My 10 year old daughter is a dancer and it’s her passion. She LOVES it! Life IS dance. We started out at 2 years old in a single tot class and 8 seasons later, she’s now taking 6 classes a week. (My only rule is that she has to maintain a B average in school to keep this many classes and she is only one A shy of being straight A’s)! Not only does my daughter love her dancing, she craves learning more. She is already dying to be old enough to take a modern dance class and a pointe class!!! (She is not in competitive dance). If the child absolutely LOVES what they are doing, (and is not being forced to do it), it is well worth the time, money and effort spent. (This coming from a single mom of 2). My son is not yet 3 so I have no idea what he will be interested in, but I intend to give him the same support my daughter has had, should he have the drive and desire to excel in any given activity or sport. I agree with the Moms that say “make it suit your needs”. If something is too competitive or the coach/teacher is obnoxious, try elsewhere. You may be surprised to learn you actually look forward to the craziness in order to see your kid out there doing their thing and loving it!!!

• 36. Tammy&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:56 am

  My 8yr old has played hockey since 5. I swore I was not going to be one of those parents. And I hate the competitiveness of sports. My husbands is obsessed by them and I was not going to raise my boys to have to have it. The problem is they have to try all these sports out early (4 yrs old!) so that they can decided early on. Your’e right…if they don’t start until 8 or 9, they may have missed it. It’s hard to catch them up to the level of others who’ve been playing it for years. We got into hockey by accident. He’s not aggressive so I know our days are numbered but he loves it so we just wait. My 1 yr old LOVES dressing in his gear and playing with his stick so we’re unfortunately setting him already for hockey. We’ve tried judo, baseball and soccer. He misses judo greatly but hockey interfered. My next problem is when to fit piano which I absolutely want him to do. The problem is coaches and schools..requiring too many practices at this age! As much as I hate the running and sports…I love watching his enjoyment. The minute he isn’t enjoying it, we’re out. I’d rather pay for their college myself than have them get a sports scholarship. Academics will get them further in life than than some self-absorbed sport. But for now they’re 8 and 1 and having fun.

• 37. Karen&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:57 am

  I have 2 boys who are now 35 & 36. They played hockey from the time they are 5 to their Junior Year in high school. They feel it was the best times of their lives. They made many friends and had great relationships with both their friends and the hocket parents. It was a big committment on our part. Yes, with 2 playing we were running most nights to games or practice, but it was well worth it. They both knew that they would never be professionals. As long as the parents keep it fun and don’t push or pressure them, then the kids can really enjoy it. When my oldest son went away to college at UMD he even played on an intramural league. And this the son that broke his leg during a game in his freshman year. I think it is healthy and keeps kids from getting mixed up in after school activities that
  could get them in a lot of trouble. We often traveled to tournaments together as a family and had a great time swimming at the hotel and socializing with the other hockey families. I treasure those moments with my boys and so do they.

• 38. Tammy&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:01 am

  Both of my boy’s are very active in sports (wrestling baseball). These are wonderful times to me as a mom. I will never forget when my youngest son hit his very first home run out of the park. Proud moment for all of us. My husband coached them when they were little. It also makes them have to keep their grades up so they can play sports. Not all kids like the athletic part but I think kids should be involved in something. (Usually keeps kids out of trouble)

• 39. Christine&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:05 am

  Let the kids try out different activities, expose them to the arts as well as sports. Around the age of 10, they can pick out one or two activities that they enjoy the most and stay with them, be they piano lessons or competitive swimming, as long as they continue to enjoy them and managing their school work. A friend of mine has four kids, and they all play at least 2 sports plus piano lessons. With practices on weekdays and games on weekends, she basically lives in her mini van! Her husband is big on sports, he wants the kids to spend enough years in thier chosen sports with the ultimate goal of making the HS Varsity teams, hopefully the kids would play well enough to catch the eyes of college recruiters, that would be followed by sports scholarships, perhaps turn pro with multi-million pay checks after that, who needs books and arts, right?! Wrong!! My 2 cents : let kids be kids, it’s important to balance their activities with sports but they can be recreational instead of competitive if that’s all your kids want out of it. Colleges look for well rounded kids, do you think they would reject an academic kid who doesn’t play a sport or an athletic kid who doesn’t make the grades??

• 40. BichonScrapper&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:09 am

  I think it’s very important that you listen to your children’s input. If they want to play tennis please be supportive. Your role is to ensure that they keep balance in their lives – school, work, play but to also be supportive and let them develop into the people they were meant to be. My parents controlled too much of what I wanted as a child and it hurt me. I had an aptitude for piano and jazz dancing but they insisted on having a little ballerina. So I ended up as a ballet drop out and an adult who has had to teach herself piano and will not reach the potential she might have. Regrets can come from both over committing but also not being allowed to pursue.

• 41. Sue&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:12 am

  Wow! You really hit a nerve asking about this. My children are 22, 20 (boys) and 15 (girls). My oldest suffered through my attempts to involve him in baseball and soccer and quit everything at the tender age of 10. He is not my athlete. My middle son loved soccer, baseball and football. He did NOT, however, enjoy the coaches(who yelled all the time), nor being yelled at by other parents. He eventually quit playing all at the tender age of 13. He took up tennis, which he was quite good at. He tried out for the high school team. The coach did not even attend try-outs. Team placement was based on country club coach recommendations. My son was actually told by the high school coach: “You started playing too late.” (he was 12 when he started lessons). My daughter is a high school cheerleader. Talk about competition!! (and I mean among the parents!) There really are Texas cheerleader moms, and I have met them!
  My advice: Let you children do what they want to do. If they love it, they will put up with the adults involved. As the mom, try to keep your perspective, instill your values to your children (even if they conflict with a coaches’) and try to stay out of it! Everyone will be much better off! Good luck!

• 42. Donna Harris&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:25 am

  Julie ~ I don’t have any kids, but used to be one! Our folks did not forbid extracurricular activities, but if we got into something, we had 2 in-stone rules: 1) to complete a full cycle (season, year, etc) and not just quit halfway through and 2) to provide the majority of our transportation (not that they didn’t take a turn, but dad was a pastor and mom cared for 5 children!) I did the singing and drama thing, but also volleyball and trampoline gymnastics. My 3 brothers got into wrestling. My younger brother now has 3 kids and all 3 began in local league soccer when they turned 8. My neice wasn’t sure she wanted to at first, but the 2 boys loved it. They had the same rule we did – go a full cycle. The oldest ended up going over to cross-country and the youngest to wrestling. My neice? She ended up being extremely good at soccer and loving it and has gone on to indoor and travel team playing. All 3 have become very grounded about limits. For example, all 3 play piano and my niece had a recital one Saturday last year. She didn’t go to soccer practice because of it and the coach punished her by placing her on playing restriction.,,and she was one of the team’s best players! So she told the coach “Later for you! When the season is up, I won’t be back at all!” Of course the coach wanted to know why and she told him that she was not going to waste her time going to mandatory practices, putting the rest of her life on hold, and then not get to play in the games! As in everything, limits must be placed and taught to the kids. I am shocked as to how sports, band, dance, etc seem to think they own the calendar and if kids sign up, they are imprisoned by what the directors and coaches demand! For Lauren and Logan, all 4 of you need to sit down and set the guidelines and find out what they are interested in. Then you all can determine what fits into the family schedule and what they are willing to sacrifice to do extra activities.
  I do wish you luck….I know it has become a hard reality to deal with. But FAMILY has been takiing a beating for years and it is time to take back control!
  Love and hugs to you!

• 43. Scrap Booking Dad&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:26 am

  My father used to say no one is the authority on raising children even though several books have been written. We all try do our best and make our own mistakes along the way. I have made my share. I have two sons one is 22 with some learning disabilities and the other is 17 and everything comes pretty easy to him. I do agree with the others about not letting them quit until the season is over.

  I read the blogs an agree with most of the observations one of the really scary thing about the competitiveness of early childhood sports is we as adults are responsible for creating the monster not the kids. A few years ago we hired an ex professional baseball player Bernie Carbo to come to the little league field and do a one day clinic. He started doing these after retiring from major league baseball when he moved back home and discovered a local High School in a very large city was unable to get enough boys to come out for baseball. He set out to find out what the problem was alot of this is evident in the blogs aleardy written. The most memorable thing about that Saturday afternoon was all the kids from the most atheltic to the ones that did not know how to throw a baseball were hollering, laughing and having a great time. Even more memorable the parents were doing the same thing. After the clinic Mr. Carbo called all the parents onto the field and explained the reason he was there (story above). He asked had anyone ever witnessed anything like this at the ball park where our children play and then shared some stories of what he saw and heard as he visited some of the numerous ball parks in the area and listened to the fans. No need to share the stories if your children are involved in acitivities you know what we say and you know how we act it is not just the coaches that are ruining the games.

  My sons decided not to pursue team sports at any level after little league and I accept that even though the younger one is an awesome basketball player, but has no interest in committing that much of his time to play at the High School Level since he has other interests. As a parent I try to offer guidance and encouragement to try new things, but I have to realize him playing basketball is more important to me than to him (I can have a tendency to do that). So I support his decision not to play. Will the lack of organized team sports stunt him I doubt it. He has learned many thing in the last few years that he would not have had a chance to otherwise.

  I realize I have rambled on a bit and have provided no new answers or insite on this topic although I will share this little tidbit. I have learned one thing about the process and I can not claim credit for figuring it out myself because it was shared with me by a friend, but at least in my life it is proving true.

  We generally spend the first few years of our childrens lives showing them the things we enjoy (fishing, camping, sewing, etc) and if we are extremely lucky as they grow older they may continue to enjoy some of these same activities and we can always do them together. As they get older and develop their own interests if we want to keep that relationship close then we must learn to enjoy the activities that they are into even if we do not find them all that appealing. Deja Vue This starts earlier than most of us think it does and it is indeed humbling at times to need so much help and guidance. Even then we have to ask for mulligan and still can not compete with them.

  I am trying all kinds of from my kids and even though we do not keep score I generally lose at the activity, because I just can not compete in their activities of there world as hunbling as it is it helps me to understand how hard it can be for our kids coming up in this ever competitive world we live in.

• 44. Eileen&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:32 am

  I feel that some exposu to activities is good but limit the child to one activity at a time. the child should be given the oppurmity to try the activity of their choice, They may or may npt like it but they can always stop what they don’t like. If not given the chance when they t=really want to try resentment can happen which you don’t want either. If something you really object to explain your objections in a calm clear manner and usually they will do something else you might even have dsomething you csm suggest’

• 45. Joanne Z&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:35 am

  I have 2 older children in there 20′s and 2 younger children…11.5 yrs. old and baby daughter is about 10.5 yrs. old. What I have notice is schools have been making budget cuts. It’s there sports and arts that feels the ax. That they push for such higher level of education at younger ages. Some children handle it ok. But when made to do so much…I think its important to blow off steam…be creative…be a kid.
  I have notice this is more how boys/young men bound together. Be careful about the competive side…doesn’t have to be. Check out the adults coaching, ect.. My younger son, didn’t have a postive baseball experience at our school. So, removed him from that. But we have a YMCA that he enjoys. We don’t have kids on our street…so thats been tough on him. He has also stayed in the Boyscouts and enjoys that too. My daughter did 3 yrs. of pop cheerleading and a yr. of All-Star cheerleading.Got rough towards the end. But we always finish what we started…and she did. She’s in Karate…she just completed trial test and passed for her yellow belt. She plays a clarinet as well.
  What are the other boys into around the neighborhood? Always helps when a friend is there.
  Is your son in the scouts? Want kids to find themselves. I played hockey….ice skated..but, my younger son leans towards golf and basketball. The Y and the scouts gives a lot of kids the chance to try things. Once they find what they love…your good to go. Alot has to do what is offered in your area…and the season. I have been seperating the two younger ones….one isn’t in the shadow of the other.
  Keeps sibble fighting down too. My younger son wanted to take Karate but conflicted with Scouts. Next yr. Scouts will be a different night. So, he will go into another class, seperated from his sister.
  Good luck.

• 46. Nancy&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:36 am

  There are so many wonderful things you can learn from sports. You learn teamwork, self-control, courtesy, respect, etc. Having said that there has to be a balance. Kids have to be kids. I’d say let them try out for one thing a season,etc. We doTae Kwon Do with our 8 year old twins. They are brown belts working on their black stripes. They go to practice twice a week and practice at home. This is a year round sport if we want it to be. I let my twins take swimming lessons (more for lifesaving purposes) and they do golf in the summer. If they want to do other things than they will have to give something up. After that we are done. They like to play together, do art projects (which are sorely limited in school, anymore), and yes play a video game or two. Homework gets more difficult and time consuming every year. I know parents who let their kids stay up late to finish homework because they have practice, games, etc everyday after school. To me that is wrong. Kids need sleep and down time just like adults. I believe when kids are overscheduled, they become overscheduled, stressed out adults. I unfortunately didn’t grow up doing any sports as both my parents worked different hours which never enabled my siblings or I to do anything. I wanted to expose my children to different things, but mostly I am striving for balance in all our lives. I am teaching my children how to be a good team player, but also letting them know that having fun is great too. Life isn’t meant to be scheduled down to the minute. Overstressed and overscheduled parents and kids make for a very unhappy family.

• 47. Gayle&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:38 am

  My advice: Only one sport/activity at a time. Also, we found that getting involved in a church sport team was a lot more fun and less competitive and less time consuming. That dad you referenced in your post was right – this day and time, if you don’t start them out young in a particular sport, don’t even hope they’ll make a high school team eventually (unless they are exceptional in that sport). The competition is fierce! Good luck!

• 48. Nemmi&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:43 am

  First of all, I don’t usually take the time to post anything on a blog, but when I read your concerns I thought I would post my opinions. I have three children that have always been very involved in sports, all three playing 3 sports since they were young – through high school. Two are now in college and one in highschool. Our rule was always – as long as you keep your grades up you can do whatever you would like to do. In some ways this backfired at us, as they were always outstanding students – and it seemed as though they were involved in every club (SGA, Outreach (helping Mentally Challenged Students), FFLBA, etc. Our children are all distinguished honor roll students (both in college still have a 4.0) – they now tell us that it was the sporting activities that they learned the most from – organization skills (using all spare time to do school work and study), teamwork, and competition, and commitment – this is also where they had made their bestfriends. There were many times while traveling to a soccer game or basketball game they would work on their school work in the car) They tell us that over the years learning to make the most of their time has given them a huge advantage in college – they never procrastonate. They both have been given many assignments that require group work – especially in their labs, and YES life is competitive!! It has taught them that you will not always come out on top, but gives them the extra push to try harder next time if that is what they want. We only ever gave them positive feedback on anything that they attempted. As busy as we have always been, we ALWAYS ate dinner as a family – even if it was at 8:00 at night. This is where we have always shared our days with each other. I work in guidance at our local public school and I will tell you it is the students that are very involved that are the top students and hanging with the well behaved friends. They do not have time to sit around bored getting into trouble. My two that are in college were offered to play for several different colleges, but elected not to and concentrate more on their studies. They do however participate in the intermurals that are at the colleges. Besides being involved in the sports through all these years, we have also always managed as a family to do as much community service as we could. The two in college are VERY involved in community service clubs in college. Maybe it has been their lifestyle to always be very involved in everything, but truly all of this has made them very well rounded citizens.
  They did once in a while receive an athletic award, but the awards that they have received for leadership. volunteering, and academics will always be the most rewarding in their lives. We do not regret one minute of our time spent with our children whether it was on the basketball court, serving food at the soup kitchen, or sitting around the kitchen table- it has been an exhausting ride – but as parents it was our responsiblity to let them experience as much as possible in their lives – as we now KNOW they will all be very succesful in anything they decide to do with their lives. And belive it or not they have had plenty of time to date and just hang with friends!! I see more children not being involved not because they don’t want to, but because the parents do not want to give up their time – this to me is selfish.

• 49. Bonnie C&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:43 am

  I have 3 grandchildren. 2 boys (13 and 10) and 1 girl (8). Over the years, they have played a variety of sports. Their mom and dad have let them choose one sport per season that they can each participate in. As an observer and a parent of kids who also participated in sports, I have some observations to share.
  1. Let the child choose if they wish to participate and in which sport. If the deicison is theirs, they will be more interested in it.
  2. Talk to them ahead of time about commitment. In other words “if you want to play, I will get you there and back and assist you where I can…but once you commit, there is no quitting. If you don’t get the position you want, live with it and do your best in whatever position you are given.
  3. Enjoy the sport – understand that some people get a little carried away with the importance of a given game or given sport. Don’t let that ruin your fun.
  4. Try to win. Sports are competitive – life is competitive – learn that and play well, do your best, and realize that you may lose….it happens…you may win too!!
  5. When you lose, learn to accept it and be willing to congratulat the winner.
  6. When you win, be gracious and act like you’ve been there before.
  Sports are a learning tool for children. One of the lessons for them to learn is that in real life everybody does not get a trophy for showing up. You need to earn it – not necessarily at the age of 5 or 6 but pretty soon after that. As it is in school, not everyone gets an “A” – you have to earn it.
  Those are my thoughts for whatever they are worth -

• 50. Pink Star&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:46 am

  Quite honestly I think all that personal crap you go on and on about in your weekly emails is very self-indulgent. I could care a less about you and your kids. Weather they take sports or not. Who the hell cares? It is very evident that you think a lot of yourself and evidently thinks everyone should to!

  I do like checking out your products to buy some where else because your prices are so high. I can go into Michaels any day of the week and find products that you carry on your online store at least $1.00 cheaper and not have to pay shipping and handling.

• 51. Nancy&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:48 am

  My children are now grown. I had a very hard time with sports. My daughter took dance and my son played ball. When he was 5 he started soccer. I thought it would be a great form of exercise. He was awkward and not a great runner. I loved his coach. She taught the children teamwork and all the fundamentals. I hated the Saturday morning games. The parents were brutal. They made fun of the kids that were “lost” out there. They screamed at their own children. I spent most of the games sitting in my car. I was sooooo glad he gave it up after the second year. Baseball was a much better experience. The umps would not put up with the kind of parental behavior we saw in soccer.

  In high school, my daughter played softball. She had a lot of fun and it was not too competetive. She continued to dance through college and opened her own dance studio after graduation. Our son left sports behind and joined the Marines (not awkward anymore).

  Both were in band from 5th through 12th grades. If you are looking for something that will teach teamwork, pride in self and others, and hundreds of other life lessons, marching band was the greatest experience for everyone in our family.

• 52. Dawn&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:51 am

  I think the child should decide what activities to participate in or pursue. I was involved in several different sports and activities growing up. I joined them because I wanted to. I am not an athlete, but I enjoyed playing sports in school. There are many benefits: sportsmanship, teamwork, friendships, etc… Being active in school helped me build a great resume for college and employers. Also, I loved when my dad (and dog) came to watch my games. I understand now that it takes commitment from the parents, too, but the kids really do appreciate it (I know I did). For some kids, athletics could develop into a lifetime passion. You never know what you are going to like or excel at until you try and our children deserve that chance. Just let your kids “play”. Also talk to your kids about having fun with their activities and to not let themselves or anyone else put too much pressure on them. When something is no longer fun or their passion it is OK to try something else. In high school I quit volleyball because I had trouble with overhand serves, but then I took up tennis and eventually became the team captain. Life is about choices and taking chances and everything is a learning experience. We can not dictate everything our children do, but we can guide them and support them. I think it is OK to choose one or two activities for your younger children, but you need to listen to your kids or ask them if they like those activites after they have been doing them awhile.

• 53. Katherine McKamey&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:59 am

  I have 8 yr old b/g twins. They have both been in Gymnastics since they were 18 months old. We signed them up with the gym that opened at that time (in our little town) because they both needed the gross motor skills that the owner/coach planned to work on with that age level (they were actually 6 months younger than he wanted to take but loved the idea he had a set of twins signed up and took them anyway.) Now that they are 8, dd goes 2 times a week (MW) from 4:30-6 and is working on all sorts of flips, twists and balance skills and ds goes once a week (F) from 4:30-5:30 to keep up with his flexibility and skills and to just plain have fun. We will never be into the competition side of the sport but both kids love it and hate to miss.

  Along with that he tried Tae Kwon Do as something to do without his sister and HATED it! He went one time a week for 3 months and decided that was it – he finished the contract and asked to be allowed to do something else. We agreed. Besides – I wasn’t impressed with the hateful way they approached beginners (age 4.5) who had never been around that
  sort of sport before. Awful experience but a learning experience too.

  The next year he tried T-ball. The fall ball season was very laid back, practice once a week, one game on Saturday or Sunday afternoon and the teams just played for fun. It was very exciting to go out and watch the kids laughing and playing and rooting for the other team as well as their own. He loved it and wanted to sign up for the Spring ball season.

  Unfortunately, Spring ball is uber-competitive even at the t-ball level. (I know, HOW?) But the game was completely different. Practice was intense (ridiculous at the t-ball & coach pitch levels) and games were even more so. If there was a team shortage ds would always be sent to play for the other team (yep – because he was so bad) and then browbeat for making a hit or run. It was awful. He was so depressed that we felt horrible continuing the season. Fortunately, we were able to get the coaches to see what they were doing to him (& a couple of other ‘less than stellar’ players) and it stopped but the damage had already been done. Baseball was ruined for the season. Given the chance to sign up again he screamed NO NO NO NOT AGAIN. He plays ball with us and sister and the family or friends in the neighborhood but has no interest in playing in little league. And that’s fine with us. It’s just a shame that the ‘coaches’ were so intent on winning a game that score wasn’t even being kept for that they ruined a little boys vision of team sports.

  DD took ballet/tap once a week at the same time with a lovely local woman who kept class sizes small and they put on a very professional show in May. She attended class for 2 years and was in class with the same group of girls each time. Kind of neat. She liked it. The programs were very cool. We have lots of photos, several DVDs and she has great memories. We were all
  set to sign her up for this year until we realized the class this year was tap/ballet/jazz. The jazz dancers were dressed & dancing like little hoochie mamas and DH said “Not My Daughter” (I agreed) we also noticed (while watching the DVD for the 1000th time) that the HS girls who had been in this lady’s classes since 1st grade danced like the penguins in It’s a Small World at Disneyland. No joke! They didn’t do much better than the group of new 1st graders so it looked like it was a waste of dd’s time to keep going with the same group.

  So she didn’t sign up this year and has really been much happier to have her afternoons free since this year she is going to Gym 2 times a week.

  Since the only thing they were doing was the Gymnastics, we found a piano teacher who had
  advertised in our tiny town newspaper and signed them up. Since both of us play, we hoped the kids would
  like it. So far, they both love it and it is once a week on T for half an hour each. They even wake us up at 6am every morning practicing! We don’t call it practice we just call it playing the piano but they go through all of their lessons when they do play. Very cool way to beat the alarm clock!!

  Of course, both kids are in Scouts. DD is a Brownie that meets after school (on campus) the second & fourth Thursdays of the month and DS is a Wolf Cub Scout that meets on the second and fourth Mondays.
  They are really loving that and hate that scouts only meet every other week. (I don’t mind that too much, myself actually.)

  So, basically it’s gymnastics, piano and scouts. That’s it and that is more than enough. My kids spend a lot of time playing outside in the backyard and with friends. Just what I was hoping they would love to do!

  Sorry this is so long – I tend to get carried away and write novels instead of just a note or two.

• 54. Karla&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:00 pm

  My 9 year old son is in Little League (he also plays soccer) and he loves them both. As long as he’s having FUN with it, we support it. The commitment is not that bad. He practices baseball once a week and has a game during the week and one on Saturdays. His school work has never been impacted by him playing sports. He’s had the same coach every year he’s played, and we like his style of coaching. He teaches them skills, sportsmanship and how to be a good team player. I don’t think I would feel the same about him playing if it were too competitive. To me, it’s all based on the league and personnel running the league. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.

• 55. Dawn&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:00 pm

  Aah-the joys of parenting!
  Julie,
  My kids are 8 & 12. My daughter (12) has been involved in dance, basketball, softball, band and soon adding volleyball to the mix. My son has played flag football and basketball (YMCA) and baseball.
  While I admit it’s alot of running and toward the end I’m ready for the season to be over. However, I’m also excited for the next season to begin!
  As I have told my kids, TRY EVERYTHING you’re only young once! If they try something, they finish the season and if they didn’t enjoy it, we simply don’t go back next time.
  Moderation is the key in sports as well as other areas of life. People are different too-some like to be on the go and while others like to have time at home. I fall into both of those categories from time to time!
  I enjoy sports, (I’d a sports team’s worst nightmare as a player!) My husband is a very good athlete and has coached both of our children. While I agree sports isn’t everything, it does offer the opportunity to develop teamwork, comraderie and commitment. I am interested in art, music and dance as well (my husband is not so talented in this area) so I introduce those aspects into their daily lives as well. Our goal is for both children to become well rounded people-hopefully we’re on the right track!
  Currently both have a month off before spring sports begin, it’s nice to have a break but we’ll be ready to swing the bat soon!
  Good luck with your decision.

• 56. Dawn&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:02 pm

  A few more comments.

  It is good to keep your child active if for nothing else, but for his/her health. Obesity is a big problem and many kids are not getting enough exercise these days (maybe because some of them are too busy sitting in front of the TV or playing video games).

  However, school comes first. Getting homework done and getting good grades are more important than after school activities. If your child is struggling with grades then that needs to be addressed before you start adding anything extra to his/her plate.

• 57. Jane Wielenga&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:04 pm

  My children are now 20 and 16 (girl, boy). My daughter did gymnastics, softball, soccer and golf throughout her childhood. My son played baseball and soccer at the club level as well as now plays golf at the high school. Yes, there is competition among the sports, but I found much of that was from the parents, not the children. Even when the kids lost, all they cared about was the snack after the game, while the parents were all up in arms!! To me, the experiences of learning different sports, learning teamwork, learning to lose as well as learning to win makes all the practices and games worth it. Also, it was family time for us as we would always go together to their games and many times their practices. To look back at those times, the friendships we made with other families and the fun we had traveling with them, I would do it again in a minute. My only advice would be to expose your child to the different sports and let them choose after a season if they want to continue or not. Of course, most importantly, how would I have kept my scrapbooking habit going without my many pictures of soccer and baseball games!!!! Ha!!!

• 58. Vicky H&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:06 pm

  I wanted my son to have the right to experience life even if it meant learning that something that seemed interesting or exciting really wasn’t his cup of tea. When I was a kid, I wasn’t encouraged to try things. I regret that I didn’t try to learn the drums, etc. Stupid, I know, but I wanted my son to have the chance to try his wings. So we did bowling, art classes, suffered through learning to play a musical instrument, soccer (it rained every game, I swear!) and other things I don’t even remember. The only thing I put my foot down on was football before high school age. The physical long-term damage I have read reports about was just too risky.
  I had one firm rule. If you signed on for something you had to complete a whole season, whatever that may be. School band: no dropping out when you find that it takes a lot of practice, you do the whole school year; soccer, softball, bowling: same thing, full season. You owe your teammates your participation. That’s why they call it a team sport. Boy Scouts, one full year. Different type of team but it is still a group that you owe something to for letting you participate. Art classes: never a problem. I don’t know where he got the talent from but he is very talented.
  Since I was a mother with a full-time career it made for an interesting balancing act. So to keep me sane the rule was that he could have 2 outside of school activities. Such as Boy Scouts and soccer. School always comes first! It did mean that I spent several years living in my car after work but I think I gave him the best of me, my time. And he learned that he would never be a world-class musician or athlete. But he still had time to play with friends and I got an occasional Saturday off. Not to say there weren’t tears and frustration along the way but, hey, they’re kids. God put them on earth to drive parents insane!
  I don’t think there are any cut and dried answers to raising your kids. It is all trial and error. You do something and if it works, cool. If it doesn’t you try something else until it does work. The only really important part is that you keep them safe and show them you love them.
  If you do let them participate in competitive sports (or any group activity) make sure you get to know the coaches, leaders, teachers, etc. My DH has been scoutmaster for a troop for over 10 years and an incredible number of parents do what I call Drop & Go. They give over control of their most precious possesion to virtual strangers and give permission for us to take them to places that they no nothing about. They don’t ask us if we have emergency preparedness plans, are trained, certified, etc. I have to force them to take contact info for summer camp. Accidents happen and we do everything we can to prevent them but these people don’t know that! And they say that if something happens they will just sue??? Isn’t that a little too late? After your child is injured or dead? So I would take the time to observe what kind of people were in charge. If I didn’t trust them… then I sure wasn’t leaving my kid alone with them. I had a couple of gals tell me that they were full-time MOMS and that this was their play time away from their kids. So they would drop them off every Saturday for bowling league and disappear for 2 hours. Sometimes we would finish early and have to wait for these gals to show back up. Nothing like free baby-sitting.
  Bottom line is: do what seems best for your child. Only you know what they are really like. If they are very competitive they may really enjoy competitive sports. Some kids thrive on that. But if they are sensitive to criticism then this may not be the best choice. If they are on the line and really want to try it, then let them. The worst that may happen if you are careful is some bumps, bruises, hurt feelings and tears (not always theirs )
  Hang in there.

• 59. Christina Smith&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:08 pm

  I have never pushed my children into any sports, but left the decision up to them. I work full time, so I do not have a lot of time for them to join everything coming & going. My son is 11 and my daughter is turning 7 next week. For about 4 months in the winter they are both involved in Upwards sports- a wonderful christian based sports program. They encourage teamwork and good sportsmanship and it’s not competitive at all. My daughter is in dance, which is 1 night a week. My son is also beginning guitar lessons. The way I look at it, they are so young and sometimes too young to be put under the pressures of extracurricular activites on top of the pressures of school & homework. I want my kids to enjoy their childhood and do something that will be meaningful for years to come.

• 60. Rene'&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:12 pm

  I have 2 daughters ages 10 and 14. We started them both in swimming lessons and the local Recreation and Parks pool in the summer only. Very reasonable prices and no pressure. The 14 year old started at 8 and absolutely loved it. She moved on to the swim team, again no pressure(summer only), but it wasn’t really a situation to learn team work. She has now just made varsity swim her freshman year and at the high school level it IS a team sport. She’s not always swimming the stroke she’s most comfortable with, but it’s what’s best for the team.
  I have to tell you, when I sit at her swim meets at look over my shoulder at those kids and parents on the baseball/softball field, I’m really thankful to be sitting by the pool!
  The ten year old is still content to just play in the water with her friends, and that’s OK with me also – fresh air, exercise, and friends. It doesn’t get much better that that.

• 61. Debbie&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:13 pm

  I have a 16 year old only child. She did volleyball, basketball, soccer & track. We were gone every night & every weekend. She was told she would never measure up because we didn’t start her early enough. Finally this year she is a sophmore & she decided High school sports were more about politics than the game & she joined the marching band. They still practice & compete, but it is more of a team sport than any sport she was in before. I agree with you!!

• 62. Carollee&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:15 pm

  You know I was one of those super burnt out high school athletes who loved the sport but was just too fed up with it to care. When my daughter turned 6, my Dh and decided that we wanted her to get into sports and what we found to be the best thing was through our Parks & Rec dept. They offered non-copetetive sports and all kinds of classes that only lasted about 8 weeks so there was never any time to get too overly competetive. It is great because every quarter my daughter gets to play with new people and still have fun. Look into it, we love it!

• 63. Nicole&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:20 pm

  I have a daughter who has always been involved in some form of activity. She started in dance, participated in brownies, loves music and theatre, runs track, cross country, volleyball. As she’s gotten older, she’s had to decide what she wants to continue. She gave up dance and plays VB and runs track. She is competitive by nature so that isn’t something I could change if I wanted to. I try to give her balance. I know how much she still loves theatre so while she couldn’t participate in the drama club at school, we were able to see Rent and she loved it! I think it’s important to let the child decide what they want to do. When they are young, expose them to all sorts of things and they will see what they are interested in. Talk to them about priorities. Academics come first but if they can handle more, let them. I am a firm believer in finishing what you start. She commits to something and should see it through to the end of the season then if she doesn’t want to continue, she doesn’t have to. I also try to remember she isn’t a mini me. Just because I couldn’t handle all her activities, doesn’t mean she can’t. She is a multi-tasker and cannot be labeled. She fits in with the jocks and the nerds. I guess she’s a nerdy jock. The Sports programs enhance her confidence and teach discipline, something that carries over to her schoolwork. She is in High school and I think the colleges are looking for more than a perfect 4.0
  Knowing your child and listening to them is key. Good Luck. Oh yeah, and love the scrapbooking opportunities!

• 64. Wendy&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:25 pm

  We waited until the kids came to us and asked if they could try this sport or that event. We didn’t encourage or push anything as we wanted the activity to be something that they WANTED to do! Having said that, none of the things they’ve tried over the years stuck!!!
  My SIL got her kids involved in city-parks teams—sort of like trying out a sport as they didn’t involve a lot of time or money and only lasted a few months. That worked really well for them.

• 65. Kimberly&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:32 pm

  I have three children, 14, 11 and 6. They can only particiapte in one sport, activity a season. I don’t allow them to play anything over the winter holidays or in the summer. Everyone needs their down time and during this time we take advantage of relaxing and spending the time together. I do think team sport are great for kids but I don’t think it should be their life!!

• 66. Christine&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:34 pm

  I have 2 daughters. My oldest is 12 and thinks she’s much older…meaning she wants to do everything and doesn’t know her limitations. I have to step in and remind her she’s only 12, and her priority is her school work. In the last few weeks I have gone to her basketball coach and urged her not to put the team in two additional tournaments (as planned and that two was plenty). Basketball & cheerleading season ran December thru mid-March and between practices & games, it was taking up 5 days a week. BTW, softball has just begun. She’s already saying she misses cheerleading…I don’t get it, I can appreciate her dedication, but I’m exhausted just thinking about it.

• 67. Bev Soodak&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:44 pm

  I’m a grandmother who attends most of her grandsons baseball, soccer, basketball games all year. They do practice 1-2 times a week and have 2 games on the weekend. They are in 2 sports at a time. I agree with all the negatives you mentioned. However, it provides some of the best exercise possible for them, they are having fun, they have a group of friends who are honest, clean-living kids. Yes, it’s competitive, but one of my grandsons is a competitive person anyway. The other one does his own thing and is one of the calmest pitchers I’ve seen. They love their sports. It is time consuming and parents should get involved, at least for support. I think if that’s what the kids want to do, then do it.

• 68. Tracey Taylor&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 12:56 pm

  Just a small comment from the “other” side of the fence. my son takes Competition dance and we are at the studio 2 nights a week and Saturday mornings. He also takes piano and swimming lessons. He is also 7.
  I find he thrives on being kept active and the minute we start to slow down he gets bored and starts asking for more to do.
  It all depends on the type of child you have as my 4 year old would be content to sit on our floor and play with his trains, if the child enjoys what they do let them but the second it is no fun stop.
  That way you all stay happy!

• 69. Sue&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 1:04 pm

  I am the mom of two children – my daughter is 13, my son 8. We believe that our children should be involved in at least some activities outside of school and home life, and we have a mixed approach to what ones we choose.
  First off, we want them to develop skills and abilities they will be able to use all their lives. How many 70 yr olds do you see playing soccer or hockey? Conversely, how many do you see doing laps at the local pool?
  Second, we did not want them to be in anything competitively, unless they chose that route.
  We have a pool in our yard, so swimming lessons were mandatory, not optional. Both our kids love to swim, and my daughter is currently working on her lifeguarding accreditation.
  Living in Canada, ice skating is almost a necessary skill, so both our kids have done basic skating lessons.
  My daughter decided five years ago she wanted to take karate. At the time we questioned her motives for wanting to do so, but after a year of her nagging us, we signed her up, with the stipulation that she had to complete at least one year. That was four years ago, and last month she graded for her brown belt! She competes regularly, just for the fun of it, and doesn’t care if she gets a trophy or not.
  My son was so intrigued by his sister’s karate classes that he begged to be allowed to sign up, and has recently graded for his green belt.
  He spent last year listening to some of his friends chatter on and on about everything they did at Scouts, and asked to be able to join, so we put him in Cubs this year, and he’s having a blast. My daughter did Girl Guides up to the Pathfinders level, but lost interest so dropped out.
  Over the years both kids have tried a variety of other activities – art classes, day camps, drama lessons – but their core activities – swimming, skating and karate – are the ones they keep coming back to.
  I believe in giving them opportunities, but not forcing them into activities. Let them follow their natural interests and inclinations, and they will end up a more rounded individual. And the world does not revolve around sports. If a child enjoys sports, fine, let them do that, but for the quieter child, maybe other activities would be better suited.
  Good luck making your decisions! I think as parents we constantly second guess ourselves, wondering if we could/should have done this or that differently…Go with your instincts and follow your child’s lead.

• 70. Alicia&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 1:05 pm

  Hi!

  We have 5 grown kids, 3 mine (29,28,27yrs old)and 2 my hubby’s (30 & 22 yrs old) Needles to say we were all over with these kids. I never saw in any of them a total dedication They all played all school sports: track/fied. cross country running, soccer, basket, golf, wrestling, football, and ROTC. My kids did some private swmin with the dept of park & rec, little leage, sofball & soccer. All the fiels were across the street from our house & so was the Y so; that made it easier. However when I had to start running from one place to another or one field to another … some were in High S, some in Middle S, one en elem … I wanted to pull my hair out. I was ever sure one of the girls was going to make it all the way with her soccer and I enrolled her in the “magic” team & paid a pretty high registration fee. Until she discovered boys … and her attention shifted … Another one of the girls was a fantastic cross country runner and got hurt and never recovered to full competition shape (she did run the Disney Marathon last year, now as an adult). So what can I say. I do not believe sport should be the focus of their lives, the child or the parents. We were also involved with Youth groups & church activities. The kids wre also involved with student government, teen court, all kinds of clubs during the HS years. I did try piano for the girls ….what a mess … did baton for the oldest … However in retrospective now I see that Academics is more important above every thing. I am blessed to say all 3 of my kids are College graduates, one of them working on her PHd, one working on his Masters, and the wanna be soccer star started her Master art USF moved to MA, fell in love, married and now is a mommy and loving every minute of it. My husband boys …. one is a fire fighter and the other was MP with the United States Army. So …. if it stresses you or the kids and interfeers with school & family activities c/o church, etc. TOO MUCH … DO NOT DO IT! Fun is the key word, and what are the long term goal in respect to their education.
  By the way I love the blog,
  Blessings to all
  Alicia

• 71. Susan&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 1:08 pm

  I haven’t had a chance to read all of the previous posts, but thought I’d add my thoughts to the mix.

  I was a gymnast when I was young. It started by my mom signing my sister and I up for a community class at the local park….mainly to keep my from literally climbing the walls. (I would grab the bar in the closet and walk my feet up the wall to flip over ) I loved it and took to it like a duck to water. After about 6 months the class stopped because they lost the teacher. Not really wanting to pay for a private gym my mom tried to get me interested in other activities like blue birds and band. Nope, didn’t work for me….I had to be moving and flipping. She finally found a gymnastics school and enrolled me in classes a couple times a week. After a few months I was asked to join the team and I started working out 3 hours a night, 5 nights a week. I was decent, but not olympic material by any stretch…but I loved it. It was always my choice to go. Even when I didn’t like my coach or was hurt, I chose to go. My mom supported me almost 100% and told me when I was ready to quit to let her know. I say almost 100% because she did try a couple of ways to convince me to quit….by making me pay the monthly fees out of my own money and then by offering to buy me a horse. LOL I think she was tired of the trips to the dr. Anyway, I saw other parents pushing their kids, but mine didn’t and I am forever thankful for that and the support. I learned a lot about discipline, time management and teamwork and do not regret any moment spent at the gym. I will tell you that it was a haven for me when my father died….I could go there and forget for a while.

  So, if your kids want to try a sport let them….I would agree with others that have said to keep it to one at a time for your sanity. If they truly love what they are doing, then let them do it. Also, diont forget there are things the whole family can do together. My niece and my sister bowl together and my niece managed to collect some college money from the tournaments.

• 72. Barb Van Epps&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 1:11 pm

  Having had two sons who are now almost 26 and 23, we went through the whole sports thing when they were young. Both started young (age 5) with t-ball, one did socker – it was so much fun watching those games because the competitiveness didn’t exist yet. As they grew older, they both continued playing city and high school baseball – one did football and one did track. We always left it up to them to decide what they wanted to do. And one of us always made it to whatever they were playing if both boys had something going on at the same time. I will tell you that after they graduated from high school, my husband and I really missed going to events. Did it take time out of weekends? YES but I wouldn’t have traded it for anything. Hope this helps.

• 73. Julie&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 1:24 pm

  Our son started hockey at 3 years of age, and loved it, was very competitive, and even at age 20 is still playing competitively in adult leagues. Yes, it was extremely time-consuming, but it was also wonderful family time for us and we met a lot of good friends along the way. I miss those days, altho I’m sure I complained a lot during some of those long weekends (in ND, it is nothing to travel 100 miles to and from a game, and do it two or 3 times a weekend!)
  Our daughter on the other hand, tried several sports just for fun until she hit high school and decided they were too competitive and no longer fun (when if you didn’t go to this camp or that camp, you probably wouldn’t make the team, etc). She has more time for her horse, her travels and her volunteer work at our local Humane Society…
  I think the important thing is to listen to your kids–so many parents force the issue and it is no longer fun for anyone, but if you give them the choice, they have the opportunity for a healthy balance of fun, activities and family.

• 74. Donna&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 1:31 pm

  I am a grandma (GMA as my grandkids call me) and have all the sports issues that I had with my children. But now instead of it being football, basketball and baseball, which my kids did. It is Marching band, judo, swimming, colorguard, and bowling. I now go from school to school and event to event throughout the year. From August to April my life is mostly colorguard and marching band. Practice 3 nights a week, and competitions every Satruday. Sometime 2 on saturday. With bowling for my grandson every Wednesday, and big tournments on Sunday. Judo is all year long and so is swimming (live in CA). But you know i my case it is wonderful. I am retired, and get to see my grandkids and their families all the time. The kids know when I am tired and I just slowdown a bit, but I wouldn’t change it for the work. The one thing their parents are very carefull about is how they are treated by their coaches. If there is anything that their parents or myself feel is out of hand by the coaches we let them know. In my families lives, the things that count are family first, school second, fun third and sports last. My grandkids are taught about the idea of sportmanship and being team players, but they also know that family is always there and that is not always the case in sports. Enjoy this time, I feel that I can rest when I am dead and in the current schedule of things I hope that will not be for a long time. I am 62 and love everyday that comes my way, because it all comes from God.

• 75. Lizet&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 1:35 pm

  I don’t have any children, but I did participate in a few activities when I was rather young (preschool age) and my parents were supportive of that. However, I didn’t follow through with them. I think I was only doing them because I wanted to spend time with my friends, but they were serious about it.

  As I got older I wanted to try sports again but this time around my parents weren’t as supportive – they didn’t go to the parent informational meetings or flat out said no because of what happened when I was younger.

  My last semester of college (this past December) I decided to take a sport class as my elective and I chose tennis. I had fun with it, but I was competing against others who had been playing since they were young and they were fresh out of high school (19 y/o to my 26 y/o). I wished I had been more active and into sports when I was younger, but at the same time I was grateful to spend the time I would have been playing sports, indoors playing other brain stimulating games.

  All of that aside, I have to agree with what a lot of the other parents have said. Let your kids decide what they want to do and support them in that. and don’t over book them. There’s nothing that I hate more than seeing little kids exhausted because they have too much going on.

• 76. Loreto&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 1:37 pm

  I have a daughter 15 and twin boys 12, my daughter is playing Volleyball (Club and High School) but when she was little we put her in soccer, basketball and sofball, as soon as she stop enjoying it we finish the season and didn”t make her do it again.
  Also my boys were into all sports, one kept the basketball and he loves every minute, my other twin this year said he wanted to play basketball and because he didnt play like my other son, he is not good and wants to be now, so lots of practicing and private lessons,
  My experience is now my kids can play outside with all their friends any sport (for fun)because they know all the rules and also are excelent on team projects or school activities where you need team work.
  Good luck, we all do what we think is better for our family and works for us, but the memories I have going from game to game and my kids knowing that we were always there is the best.
  Like my husband says is all about the kids right now, we will have so many years to be a cuple
  Good luck!

• 77. Nancy D&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 1:38 pm

  I played sports when I was growing up, through school, a local softball league, and with the kids on our block. That was 35+ years ago. It was fun, EVERYONE played, we were taught and practiced good sportsmanship. What I have seen in more recent years with friends kids and grand kids is a growing trend of “only the best will play”, WIN WIN WIN, then-rub-their-nose-in-it attitude that is very disheartening. And some the worst behavior is shown by the PARENTS!
  If I had kids who wanted to play sports now I would allow it only if I had the time to be very involved, it was a Saturday only, if you show up you play, this is for FUN, sort of thing like it used to be. We need more sandlots, and cul-de-sacs! Those were the fun times.

• 78. Dawn Thomas&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 2:00 pm

  Julie,
  I have 3 children, my oldest are twins. They were never into the sport thing so I didn’t worry about them. When they got to middle school they found that they really enjoyed the band, which they continue to be in as high schoolers. They also participated in girl scouts and 4H Sharpshooters. They eventually out grew girl scouts and Sharpshooters became too political and interfered with band, so they left both of those things.

  My other daughter is currently 12, she loves sports, has played nearly everyone available too her. We were constantly on the go all year long doing some kind of sport. I finally had to tell her to pick just one and only one. So she picked soccer and played for several years until she got bored with. Now she plays volleyball (she is still only allowed one sport).

  I will agree that there are some parents who push their kids like they are going to be the next great athlete. That makes it hard for the other kids and parents.

  I think that the experience of working as a group and staying active keeps you away from the other things in life like drugs, alcohol, etc.

  Whether you decide for sports or drama or band, listen to your children, they will let you know when they have had enough. Our rule was always “finish what you start and at the end of the season, if you don’t like it, you don’t have to go back.”

  HTH
  Dawn in KY

• 79. Pat&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 2:01 pm

  I have two girls who are now 17 and 14. When they were little my oldest, Liz, wanted to try everything that she heard of at pre-school and school. So I encouraged her to “try” it. We agreed before we started that whatever she chose to start she would have to finish the “season” and then decided if she didn’t like it she just wouldn’t sign up again. Liz played baseball/softball with the Goshen Little League until she was able to play high school softball. I think that it was a good experience for her. My youngest played from T-ball (5 years old) until last summer with the Little league. Emily(the youngest) is not as competitive and she also enjoyed playing Little League. In Little League, every kid plays in every game! Emily chose to NOT play last summer because she is not “into” music and wanted to spend more time doing that and seeing friends (Emily is the only string bassist in the 8th grade Orchestra at her Middle School). From those experiences both girls learned work with others and the value of finishing what you start or seeing it through to the end (one year Emily cheered her team from the bench most of the softball season with a broken arm). School sports are another subject all together! My sports lover (Liz) soon learned that school sports are VERY competitive and NOT much fun! She now spends most of her time and energy in music as well.
  I would say, encourage your kids to try things at an early age when ALL the kids are just learning. It is much easier to learn with the others than to start out behind and feel inferior from the beginning when the other kids are already “good” at whatever you choose to do. But do set some limits as far as finishing a season so that you get the entire picture before deciding to go on. As for giving up “family time”….make the sport a family time….we all went to support our participant whenever we could. Remember that kids are only young for a little while and as they grow and mature their interests will grow and mature as well as other opportunities will become available. So you won’t be stuck forever sitting on a sports bench somewhere. I am NOT a sports fan, but I was surprised how very much I enjoyed watching both of my daughters play whatever sport they were in at the time. I have watched soccer, softball, baseball, volleyball, basketball, golf, and cross country! And I have learned something and met new people with every experience. Enjoy!

• 80. Linda Golomb&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 2:14 pm

  As a teacher, I know the importance of getting kids involved in extra-curricular activities. It keeps them busy when their classmates are hanging out and getting in to trouble. It also means that they have to keep their grades up to participate. These activities don’t always have to be athletic.

  I think I managed to find a balance for my kids many years ago. Even then, Little League was out- of-control competitive, so my son played softball through Parks and Rec. Much less pressure, much more emphasis on just enjoying the teamwork. Later he switched to basketball but, again, Parks and Rec. Everyone takes turns playing and everyone has fun.

  My daughter was about as non-athletic as you could get. She took dance lessons for a couple of years. When she tired of that (and we could see she was no Ginger Rodgers) she tried baton. In junior high she became involved in ASB. She continued student government into high school, along with the flag team. This required some practice before or after school, and we attended football games to watch the halftime performance, but it didn’t consume our lives the way gymnastics and other sports do.

  I hope that helps,
  Linda

• 81. Grammy Suzanne&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 3:20 pm

  When our 3 daughters were young and one was deep into dance and the other two tried out softball and soccer. We worked full time and I was resentful (but willing to do it for the girls) of lost weekends and late night practices. They all made the decision to give it up by Jr. High. Now being a grandma and watching the one granddaughter who plays both softball and indoor soccer practically year round (out of 6 and 2 grandsons!) devote all her nights and weekends to one sport or the other it’s taking it’s toll! She loves both, especially her indoor soccer league but at 14 she doesn’t have much time for anything else and is exhausted, dark circles under her eyes, etc. When she’s picked up after school or headed for a fun outiing, she falls asleep in the car or on the sofa while talking to her cousins. The other grandaughters come home from school, do their homework, play WII and thoroughly enjoy their freedom. It’s a toss up I suppose, but in retrospect I would choose family outings on the weekend and nights spent together at the dinner table and board games for them! Unless a child truly lives and breathes their sport, and are not doing it for Dad or Mom (you can tell the difference!) they usually are not all that interested and not worth the lost nights and weekends put to better use! Hope this helps!!

• 82. Dawn Ferschweiler&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 3:20 pm

  My oldest son was in hockey and baseball from the time he was 4. Both traveling and city league. He is now 21 and plays college baseball. He met some the most amazing people during that time, and have made some great frienships that have lastest longer than school freinds.I really miss the parents and all the weekend trips. I was really sad when it was all over. I will never forget all the memories it has created along the way.

• 83. Lynn Van Patter&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 3:37 pm

  Julie…I have 12-year-old b/g twins and both enjoy a number of different things, including sports. My son, however, is the more active of the two and enjoys just about any sport out there. During the school year he runs for the cross-country team and plays on the basketball team. Outside of school he enjoys scouting and is working very hard toward his Eagle Scout rank. Additionally he is a competitive archer and the top ranked archer in his division in the state. During the spring they both play ball (baseball and softball). Up until a year ago he also took karate, but realized that he was over extending himself and told us that he felt it was time to make choices.

  As parents we have never asked the kids what they wanted, they asked us if they could do it. Because both of them have made the Honor Roll/Principal’s List each year of school we allow them to participate in the activities that interest them. They have participated in both team and individual sports and I think they are better people for the experiences. They are also learning to make choices and understand that some times choices are not easy.

  But like many parents I don’t like the competitiveness of some organizations, and try to steer myself away from people who apply this attitude into a sport. Because some parents become too fiery at the baseball/softball games I choose to set up my chair in the outfield and watch from there…it is way more enjoyable, and I can still see everything that is going on without hearing all the snide remarks.

• 84. DebM&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 3:57 pm

  Wow–you’ve gotten a lot of responses! Sports were a very valuable part of my girls’ upbringing, much to my surprise as I loved theater. BUT–we did not start them all that early. My girls did Girl Scouts from 1st grade, did a 1 night/week church activity group also from 1st grade. Then in 3rd, they started swimming a few days a week which I thought was too much but they loved it. Nothing more till 6th grade, when they did basketball 2x/week and dropped swimming. My older daughter became passionate about basketball and it was great for her all through high school, despite a few injuries. I pretty much hated it, b/c my daughter and husband took it pretty seriously, it stressed me out to see them so upset when things didn’t go well, and it seemed so silly to put so much time and effort (and $$) into putting a ball into a hoop. BUT, it was great for my daughter. The other daughter played basketball too but she got involved in the two best sports ever: Cross country and track. Neither takes much $$, and especially with cross country THERE IS NO BENCH!!! Everyone runs and even if you aren’t great at it you get better and beat your previous time. My daughter started that in 7th grade and there certainly was no need to start any earlier. Kids IMO should be playing outside and have unstructured time, not just sports. We never forced them to do any of these sports, and they never complained about the practices so I guess it was OK with them. Both learned a lot about time management in middle and high shcool that has served them well in college. We were very fortunate that we met lots of great parents through sports and didn’t have too many bad experiences. I still love my swim-mom friends even though my kids quit that after 6th grade! My older daughter still swims for exercise and loves it and is extremely grateful that she had the swim team experience. On balance, sports were very good for my girls but we didn’t start it too early.

• 85. Mom of Goalie&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 4:03 pm

  My son (14 years old) has played hockey since he was four. Yes, it has taken a huge committment on our part as a family, but I can honestly say there have been a lot of “Pros” that have come from the experience:
  ~ He has become very active and this keeps him fit and healthy.
  ~ He has made so many friends and these are his friends that he enjoys spending time with and considers to be his best friends.
  ~ He has developed a sense of what it takes to be committed to something…this is his passion and he has earned a spot on a very good team. HE earned it, not me, not my husband…HE earned it.
  ~ He has developed a sense of pride in giving 100% and learned what it takes to be part of a team…win or lose, they are a team and they support one another through thick and thin.
  ~ He has learned responsibility…if he has an early practice, he is responsible for setting his alarm, packing his gear and getting himself ready…he is responsible for all of his gear and taking care of it.
  ~ Our entire family has benefited from the great friendships that we have developed…these are the people that we can count on for anything, and I mean anything…we just pick up the phone and ask!!
  Yes, it has been a huge time commitment and financial commitment, but I would do it all again in a heartbeat…did I mention that I have an 18-month old daughter, and she loves hockey, so I may be doing it all over again…I would not mind…that is what we as parents do…support your children, but make sure that they are learning life’s lessons from their experiences, whatever you decide.

• 86. Nita&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 4:25 pm

  I grew up not playing sports but my brother played little baseball and pee wee football.

  I am the mom of a 12 yr old son and 7 yr old daughter. They both play team sports and enjoy it. They typically practice for an hour to an hour and a half twice a week and once the season starts they don’t have practice but have 2 games during the week – one of which is usually on a Saturday. They love it and thrive on it.

  It can get a little crazy sometimes because now that we have two playing the same sports but in different age groups we usually have to split up and/or take turns so we can see each of the kids play.

  The best thing to do is to find a group that doesn’t stress that WINNING is what’s important. All the teams we have had our kids on (with the exception of 1 season of baseball for our son) we had excellent coaches who taught them the skills of the game and helped them to hone them and they also made it a priority to let them know that they didn’t care how many games they won or lost that it was how they played the game. If they played it honorably and cleanly and if they improved their skills over the course of the season that’s all the coach cared about.

  We also don’t care if they win, the important thing to us is that they learn teamwork and are staying physically fit.

  The only rule we have is that if they join the team they are not allowed to quit – they must finish the season. If they don’t want to play the next season that’s fine but they are not allowed to quit. It’s a commitment and responsibility lesson.

• 87. JoeAnn Johnson&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 4:26 pm

  My grandson has played baseball since he was 5 years old and he loves it. He will let you know soon enough if he doesn’t like it. I agree with you that some leagues can get very competitive and it is really sad. It is suppose to be fun for the kids. If he has a good coach that just likes to see the kids play and not have to win every game it will be fun. I would suggest if you sign him up. talk to his coach to see how he feels about playing the game. I can tell you, sometimes it’s the parents that are worst ones about winning. Good luck.

• 88. Lori Humphrey&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 4:59 pm

  Hi, This is the first time I have blogged but I have two children. One is a boy age 22 who is a senior in college and the other is a girl who just turned 17 and is a senior in high school. My husband was very athletic and played all sports and I wa sthe drama, singing band geek. Our children are a great mix of both. Both of the kids have always been active in both, athletics and the arts. Looking back, I would have not done all of those activities. Our daughter was a competitive gymnast that had great potenial but at the ripe old age of ten starting having SVT(fast heart rates of 300-400) and had to be ablated( a heart procedure to fix the fast rates. When she was trying to qualify for a huge meet, and she torn her petella tendon. Our son doesn’t know how to relax. He has alway ran track, baseball plus was very active in the arts. To this day if he isn’t multi-tasking he doesn’t know what to do with himself. SO my advice to you is let the kids figure out what they are interested in and do that! They don’t have to have schedules that consist of 0630-900pm at night!

• 89. Vickie&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 5:06 pm

  I wish that school sports were intramural…not amongst other schools. That way the kids could get the experience without the expense of traveling and competing with other schools! It’s all such a mixed bag…in order for the kids to find what they love, they have to experience a lot of things. But, they shouldn’t be forced to continue if it doesn’t end up being a passion.

  In Scouts we got rid of the ‘winning’ in the competitions…didn’t want the boys feeling bad. As I think about it, we robbed them of the opportunity to learn how to deal with disappointments in the real world. Besides…it didn’t accomplish anything because they all knew who had the fastest pinewood derby cars anyway.

  Perhaps the best thing is to first schedule ‘down time’ and then the other activities around that.

• 90. Pam&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 5:21 pm

  I agree with you to a point. My son is 15 and has been involved in baseball since he was 5. He enjoys it but likes doing it for fun. Sure, he loves to win (don’t we all) but he doesn’t take it as seriously as his father (my husband) would like him to. Unfortunately, he’s been coaching him for the last 10 years also and needless to say it has led to some very heated arguments in our family. I feel it’s important for them to be involved in things but I don’t think it should take over everyone’s life unless that’s what you want it to do. I really believe that a lot of times it’s the parents living vicariously through their children. I have seen parents act more childish and unsportsman like than I have seen most kids. I honestly think if it was just the kids without any parents they would get so much more out of it.

• 91. Kelly&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 5:28 pm

  Hello-
  I wanted to let you know that my sister did gymnastics from the age of 3 to college. She we to the gym BEFORE school in the mornings and right after school til 8. Her life was the gym. The weekends we ALL went to her meets. So her gymnastics not only was her whole life but my brothers and mine as well ( till we go older and could stay home). When it came to college my sister was offered a scholarship for gymnastics to NCstate, but also a track one. She had to decide which one she wanted to do for the next 4 years. So after giving up her childhood she picked Track.
  Looking back now that she is married and has a little girl, she preaches over and over that she doesn’t want her child to miss out on just being a kid.
  Just FYI, everyones story is different and my parents didn’t push her but they also didn’t ask her either. My biggest lesson I took from it was to ask my kids “do you want to play baseball this season” and if they say no to remember it is ok just to be a kid.

• 92. Cheryl Lopez&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 5:50 pm

  Hi Julie,
  I read your journal, have never left a blog reply before, but hope my experience helps. I am a retired teacher with 34 years experience (in NJ) so I’ve seen a lot of children go through the “sports experience”. It would be wonderful to participate, learn teamwork/cooperation/sportsmanship etc. IF it’s what the child wants. However, I may be old-fashioned but believe that education and being a child come before sports. I don’t like young children being pressured by coaches who may/may not have the childrens best interest at heart; sometimes the need to win clouds rational thinking. The sports schedules set up by coaches, etc. seem to be single-minded—–they forget that children need time to “play” and that parents enjoy spending time with their children pursuing family activities. Practice every night at unreasonable times can be too much—-I still believe that kids need to have dinner time with family, have homework time, bath/shower time and “down time” to just be with their parents or too pursue an interest—read, play piano, board games, whatever. And, children still need a proper nights rest to be at their best for school the next day. Late practices almost every day lead to lack of sleep, homework on the run and short tempers for children and adults.
  Last thought—-let your children select something they’d really like to pursue and keep it in moderation. Over-scheduling takes a toll on the whole family. Good Luck. Cheryl

• 93. Valerie&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 6:11 pm

  I think team sports offer your children so many things. They learn how to get along with others, follow directions, work as a team, discipline, time management…etc. I could go on. Yes, it does take up time, but it is time well spent. Not only are the kids learning, but they are ACTIVE. So many kids today are not active and they need to be! You just have to make sure it doesn’t get “out of control.” You can go overboard with anything. Just limit them to 1 sport per season or at least start off that way. When they get older they may want to play on club teams, which does involve a little more time. My advice to you…let them play…

• 94. Karen&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 6:28 pm

  Thank you for letting me comment on this subject. I was a single Mom, so I felt my boys needed some Men in their lives and this worked through sports and scouts. I am glad I did it because it taught them to work in teams and I feel it helped them learn to get along and socialize with all types of people and nationalities. I feel it helped their coordination and thinking ability grow, also their pride in themselves to learn that they are capable of doing things that help people.

  yes, it takes a lot of time — but to know you can watch your kids excel is wonderful. I learned a lot from the parents while I interacted with others.

  Burn-out is so true. By the time my sons were a Senior in High School — they were so done as were the other team mates they have played with since they were 5. I let my boys choose the sport they liked afterI let them try all the different sports. They choose Soccer and as I said played through their Senior year when they went to college. They still see their team mates and hang out in a different way. Now that they are men (22 & 23) they sometimes meet in the park and play a pick up game for old times.

  Last I will say is High School sports are different than the teams. Those coaches either know a lot or a little. We had a football coach who taught him teamwork, discipline, faith, comrodery, and other things. He still see’s him and thanks him for the tough practices and many hours.

  Hope you enjoy this long novel.

• 95. Janet Dickerson&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 6:42 pm

  Julie,
  This is the first time I have ever left a message here but I found the need to do it. I have 2 kids. A 20 year old son and a 18 year old daughter. Here is a list of the sports or activity my kids have done.

  Son
  Baseball…. 13 years
  Soccor….. 5 years
  Basketball….5 years
  Wrestling….. 1 year
  Football ……9 years
  Band …. 4 years

  Daughter
  Basketball…. 4 years
  Softball…… 6 years
  Volleyball….3 years
  Dance….. 5 years
  Soccor….. 3 years
  Cheerleading…….9 years
  Gymnastics…..4 years
  Band … 3 years

  I would like to tell you that this kept mine and my husbands lifes very busy, it was well worth it. Our kids were never made to participate in anything, they did it because they chose to, when they decided they were done with that activity we let them be done. The only rule was that they could not quit in the middle of a season, once you start you finish.

  I think all these things have been great for my kids. It has taught them discipline, teamwork, self esteem, sportsmanship and leadership (my son was captain his senior year of football and my daughter was captain her senior year of cheerleading) and many other great things.

  I would say to you to please let your kids decide if they want to particpate in sports or any activity. Not only will they but you will also enjoy it more if you know they are participating because thats what they want to do.

  Don’t hold them back,
  You may have the next superstar in your home.

  Janet

• 96. Linda Meyer&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 6:49 pm

  I had two kids. The boy was Mr. Sports from when he was small, but the rule was only one sport at a time. He played recreational league soccer from second grade until eighth, when he moved up to club soccer (where the team does travel for half the season’s games). He played through junior year of high school. He also played city league basketball from third grade all the way through high school, and also indoor soccer for a number of years. Another rule was if you start the season, you had to complete the season. If you didn’t like the game, he didn’t have to play the next season. My son wanted to play. Sports and fitness became his passion. He is now a PE teacher, department head, athletic director, and coaches both track and cross-country (having lettered in both in high school). He recently picked up playing adult soccer (as well as adult dodgeball!!!)

  My daughter was different. She loved gymnastics but never wanted to compete. Fortunately the gym had classes that were non-competitive. When it became clear that her instructor at the time wasn’t going to push her to get any better, she lost interest. However, she has a great appreciation for gymnastics and other sports that require similar strength and flexibility( diving, synchonized swimming, ice skating). She loves volleyball. She can recognize when someone should be called for “travelling” in basketball. She doesn’t consider herself athletic (she is, really). She has a beautiful singing voice – was never interested in joining a choir, or doing plays.

  Youth sports can be good or bad. A lot of the bad can be laid at the feet of some other parents, and there are bad coaches. I would say young kids, if interested, should play recreationally in organized sports. Competitive level sports should be saved for older children.

  If the kids are interested in playing (one sport at a time), let them try. Don’t sign them up if its Mom or Dad who are the ones interested in seeing them play.

  I really enjoyed watching my kids’ sports. I really enjoyed the company of the other parents (that was one of the things I missed when the kids stopped participating in organized sports).

• 97. Laura&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 7:00 pm

  Re: team sports

  I followed the interests of my children (one boy is now 23 the girl is 22). We assume as adults that each child has to be the “best” and compete to win. Some children may want to excel at one thing, others like your daughter may try out different areas until they find an interest, or maybe NEVER find one, and that’s ok too. If the child is pushed into an area that interests the parent, the child probably won’t be interested in the activity or will come to resent it. So if it’s tennis, so be it. I used to tell my kids no matter what they did it was important that they try and give it all their effort. It was all I would ask of them. And if you are in the situation where it does become THE sport and it takes up a lot of time, well…as a parent we need to continue to support them, it’s their time in our lives, and it’s their life and opportunity to grow and experience different aspects of living with parent guidance.

• 98. Stephanie&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 7:12 pm

  I have 2 kids. My daughter is 10 & my son is 6. I like to walk at our high school track. When my daughter was 5 she wanted to go with me. Instead of walking she ran the track. She would run every time I went walking. Come to find out the high school sponsored a summer track & summer running series. I asked her if she wanted to participate and she did. She has run in both series for 5 yrs now.
  In addition to running she also plays softball and soccer on a park & rec league. She runs track & cross country for her school. She had played basketball on a park & rec league for 3 yrs (finally outgrew it) and now plays for her school. My dad is also trying to teach her to golf. I have never forced her to play any sport & have told her when it quits being fun that is the time to quit. She loves sports. She loves challenging herself as well as the competition. We have all met very nice people & have made some good friends. She attends a small Lutheran school and by playing on a park & rec league she is able to meet kids from neighborhood.
  We have been to a lot of interesting places as she has run many races all over the state.
  My son is very different. He has run in the summer track series but he will only do a few events. I let him decide what he wants to do. There have been nights when he is just a spectator. He ran in the summer running series & won a medal that he is VERY proud of.
  He also played soccer for the 1st time this year. He really enjoyed it especially after he scored his 1st goal. I asked him if he wanted to play t-ball and he doesn’t so I am not going to push him. If he expresses an interest in something I will sign him up but if he doesn’t, then oh, well.
  It has been a challenge getting from work to practices, games, meets, races, etc but I always find a way to do it because my daughter loves it.
  BTW, she’s a straight A student & plays the saxaphone in the school band.
  I agree that some of the parents & coaches can be cut throat but that is when we find another league or quit. I’m in favor of giving my kids every opportunity then letting them decide if it is for them.

• 99. Christine&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 7:17 pm

  My children were involved in sports at a very young age. It was a family adventure and I wouldn’t trade any of it. It was valuable time spent as a family. As my children got into high school it was always their decision to continue or to change avenues. My children have lasting friendship now they are adults.
  It was the best times of our lives. Great lessons have been learned and my children had the benefit from many parents that were influential in their lives.
  ps: my kids played hockey; ran crosscountry; were runners and throwers in track and field and played soccer. They tried baseball and swimming and Taekwondo

• 100. Mel&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 7:33 pm

  I have two children and both play sports. Ages 20 and 17. My oldest (a girl) has played basketball since she was 5 or 6. She loves the game and picked up a basketball when she was 2 or 3 and never has put it down. She has had the opprotunity to play for Div. 3 college and some top traveling teams. Basketball not only taught her how to work as a team but also how to organizer her time, put priorities in place etc. My son who is a junior at a 4A highschool if a talented baseball player who has Div. 1 colleges looking at him. Again the experiences that baseball has given him and will offer him in the future is something that will prepare him for life. Both of my kids have other things they do for example my son has taught himself to play guitar and loves the X-Box. If playing sports makes your kids happy then I say go for it, they need to understand that it takes time not only at practice but also working on the game at home as well. This is where it can become fun going out and playing a family game of horse is a great way to work on a shot or playing what we call backyard baseball as a family. Something we have always told our kids is one sport per season and we never let them play on two different teams at the same time. Allowing the sport to take all there time is not well rounded but not allowing them to play because it might take what some people think is too much time can make your child miss out on what can be a great enjoyment and life teaching lessons. It is important that you support them in the decision and my husband and I have made it a point for at least one of us to be at our childrens games or events. The most important thing is that our children are happy and having fun no matter how much work it takes. We always told our children as soon as it stops being fun stop playing and to this day they both still love the sport they play.

• 101. Sandy&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 7:35 pm

  My older son was never too involved in sports past the obligatory soccer team in grade school.
  My younger son ran Cross Country and Track in Middle School and continued in high school. Younger son went out for swimming freshman year; he had never done any competitive swimming before.
  Swimming just ended for the year. It is his Senior year, and he has won many awards. He has never wanted to quit any sport, and has lettered in all three sports all 4 years of high school. He says that being part of a team has been the best part of High School and hopes to run in college next year.
  Let your kids decide what is best for them.

• 102. Jeanie&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 7:40 pm

  As a grandparent and a former gymnastics mom, I agree that we overdue when it comes to kids and sports. They do get burned out and very few have the skills to get a scholarship. Let them have fun and a team sport is always good. I let my kids choose the sport they wanted to play and once they hit high school, I asked them to participate in one sport, this was a great entry into the high school life. They choose to continue until senior year and now participate in sports for pleasure.

• 103. Mandy&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 8:07 pm

  At this point, you probably don’t need anymore comments, but I thought I’d share just in case. I’m 25 and have not had children yet, but I remember growing up amidst all of that “extracurricular” hype. The one thing I regret is not trying different things. All I ever did was softball, even though I wasn’t very good at it. Now, looking back, I regret not having tried things like band in middle school, continuing my piano lessons, attempting tennis, volleyball, or even chorus in school. If you’re going to allow your kids to make those decisions, yes you want to allow these “experiments” in moderation so that none of you get overwhelmed, but you also want to be encouraging and involved.
  At my school, you had to start band at a specific time in middle school. If you didn’t join then, you had no chance of being in high school band. I toyed with the idea of joining, but I knew we had to buy our own instruments and that my parents probably couldn’t afford it, so I don’t think I even brought it up to them. But if they’d asked me if I was considering band, I would probably have been open to discussing it with them.
  If I had it to do all over again, I would sign up for band in a heartbeat. And I know my parents. Even if we couldn’t have afforded it easily, they would probably have done whatever they could to make it work for me. I can’t tell you how many times I find myself wishing I could play some sort of instrument, or at least read music.
  That’s why I say you want to be involved. If you know about some kind of upcoming tryouts at school, ask if they’re interested. If they show even the slightest bit of interest, encourage them. Deep down, they may really want to be a part of it. Encourage them wherever they show interest, but never let it become such an obsession that it takes away from family time. I know you know this, but that is SO important. Nothing can replace what you learn from spending time together as a family.

• 104. Lori&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 8:08 pm

  I have 2 kids, an 8 year old son and a 5 year old daughter. They both participate on a non-competetive baseball/t-ball team. Each of them only have 8 games during the season and one night of practice for just 1 hour. As long as they enjoy playing I don’t think that my husband or I would force them to play. My son has also played basketball and it was a bit more involved but a lot of fun. The one sport that I definately resist my son getting involved in is football. That is for several reasons, the time (2-3 nights a week for 2 hours and games every Sat.), and injuries. I think that would be too much for our family.

• 105. Sue&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:38 pm

  My son is 14 and wrestled for the first time this year. I wouldn’t let him join the last two years as his grades were not up to par, but this year he was doing better in school. There were no “try-outs”, so anyone could join. He had alot of competition, but apparently some natural talent and ended up being the third string wrestler for his weight division. He did not get to wrestle even once in a meet. I was surprised at the level of competition at the middle school level. I am proud tho that he stuck with it and attended the practices knowing that he would probably never get a chance to compete. It showed a love for the sport and not just a love for winning. I will continue to support him as long as he wants to participate.

• 106. Joan Abraham&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 10:46 pm

  Both of my kids have been in competitive sports since they were 5. My daughter did gymnastics at a gym where they love to get you to be on the real team. I resisted and just had her do fun classes finishing at twice a week. She is on the high school tennis team and really plays just to have fun. Winning is nice but she’s just as happy to get to play. My son has played baseball, basketball, football, golf, and just recently soccer. I never made him play. He always had the option of not joining the team. He did walk away from a few sports but really loves to play.

  I say if your children want to try a sport let them. Don’t push them to play, but allow them to try whatever they want (within reason, of course). Resist those teams where they require practice daily and want lots of commitment from you. Let your kids be the guides. It is supposed to be fun and when it’s not it’s time to quit. Good luck

• 107. Stacey Johnson&hellip  |  March 18th, 2009 at 11:07 pm

  I think this is the forth response that I have started to write and this will be my last. Your question is loaded to me!

  I have two girls. One is 7 and the other will turn 5 soon. Both are involved in dance and gymnastics. My oldest one competes USAG Level 4. My younger one recently entered into the competive pipline when she was recently selected into a preteam class. Our gymnastics life evolved out of a mommy and me class that my oldest daughter and I participated in with our neighborhood friends when we lived in Jacksonville, FL after she turned 2. She loved the tumbling from the very beginning and it was so fun watching her confidence grow with each physical accomplishment.

  Gymnastics does take up a lot of our time, but right now we all enjoy it. When it stops becoming fun for them, we’ll move on.

  But, the one point that I would like to make was your comment about all of the studies you’ve read. I say stop reading them…There are numerous studies out there on every possible issue with dozens of books on every point of view. Not to mention the way the media hypes up their opinion to sway your point of view on a subject. It is only important on what works for your family. I learned this lesson during the first few months after my oldest was born when we were dealing with colic. Things became much easier when I threw out the baby books and just went with instinct.

• 108. Carol&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 4:17 am

  I have to agree with all of Julie’s comments. I have four boys and have felt the pressure to get them involved in sports. They are just not that interested. My older two sons are now not doing any sports. My younger two are trying baseball and surprisinly the younges is starting football.
  I think my boys just enjoy non-competitive sports like tennis, sailing and golf and that’s okay. I believe in letting them enjoy their child hood since it is such a short time. As long as they play outside, ride bikes and so something athletic I am okay.

• 109. Darlene Nelson&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 7:16 am

  I see both sides. Being a moderate by nature, and a mother of three, I have worked at a balance between my husband and the children as well as my schedule. Which is of course is the ideal and some of the question. When making a difficult decision, I first deal with the facts. Is it true that team sports promote team work and give them good physical activity. Yes, that’s true and is it also true that some sports are too agressive, with both schedule and intensity. Yes, that’s true. So there’s a compromise and both sides are right. You just have to find the right one for your family. Once we get past “the whose right” part in our discussions, then we move ahead. Youv’e talked before I believe about the team of workers you have at Scrap your Trip so I know you understand, and your husband being on team sports understand, it’s just finding which one suits the both of you and your children. One thing we’ve always done as a family is promote a “winning” attitude. But it may not be what you think….it has to do with starting and finishing what you choose to do. When my son chose to play football in 8th grade, I didn’t want him too. But, I let him because he wanted too. I explained the exhausting schedule for him, the possible injuries, although it was mostly learning the basics, no “real” games. And then I said once you join, you cannot quit. We are not a family of quitters….so it was my intention that they we a part of the decision, so many children feel as though thier parents didn’t give them choices throughout their lives…and I wanted to give them age appropriate ones and believe that I was preparing them for life and making decisions. So, the message was your a winner cause you make a decision, you made it to the finish line. You stuck it out, you weathered the storm, you are a winner in our book. The competitive part was there as well, we just didn’t make it a top priority. Our focus was do your best and feel good that you did that. So far so good with my two oldest, and I have one left at home….some were more athletically inclined and some not. Each child is so different, my oldest son wanted to be more competitive and that was OK. He was smart enough to figure out that he wasn’t going to be a Lacrosse superstar, but we encouraged him without filling his head with a bunch of stuff that wasn’t true. We stay focused on sending him to camps, going to his games and rooting for his team. One day he said, I’m not as good as some of these kids who go to these camps. They were born with Lacrosse sticks in their cribs. We laughed about that and said “are you having fun and do you like playing?” and he said he did. We taught him that was all that mattered…..he had done his best, he had seen that their were better players out there, but he still gave it his all knowing it was not going to be his career and that was OK. He learned many things from playing that sport. He identified with a group of young men that were held to a higher standard. They had to maintain a certain GPA to play, on game days they had to wear a shirt and tie. They had to participate in fund raisers and practice alot and maintain a busy schedule including a job and dating. Those things helped him to deal with real life as an adult. He had to deal with a difficult coach who picked him out when he had to choose a “medium” player off the field, when the coach was being mouthy to the ref and he always picked my son. He learned alot of patience, he learned respect, he learned how to deal with difficult people. His parents and teachers for the most part were encouraging, his coach was not. But, he chose to be a part of the team and made sacrifices for that. Hard to see as a parent, but crucial for life. We want to keep our children in a bubble. When we send them off to college, that bubble bursts. And we need to let that happen slowly and guardedly here at home to some degree.

  My advice, pick a sport and encourage your child to be a part of the decision. Let them know once they start, it’s an investment in many ways. Financially, and in time and to choose wisely. Your already a good parent and your children are already blessed, if your family is a prayerful one, pray as well with them about this decision.

• 110. Linda&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 8:32 am

  All of the comments are wonderful and so many are right on. Having raised 3 children to adulthood, who are now 26,25,&24. I can say that the activities are a good part of what made them who they are today. From the very beginning my husband and I made conscious decisions to allow them to lead us slightly in the activity area. We thought it important for them to be involved in something. Our daughter(26) was in Girl Scouting all the way through graduation and this was her choice to stay with it. She graduated with honors and many scholarships along with one from GS. She was not all that interested in sports although she did take up golf and even earned a scholarship through that. She has gone on to earn 2 degrees in college and is now working on her Masters. Our middle child (a son)started out in soccer and was not to thrilled with it and did not want to do it another season. No problem. Then he went to basketball. He loved bb and we did also. It was a few practices a week and usually 1/2 games. When he was in school he tried plenty of sports and even earned the most athletic when he was in Middle school due to being in every sport. But that is how he tried things and figured out what he wanted. He stayed with bb and could have gone on to college with it due to being in the top 5 in our local area. But he hated school and did not want to go to college. We supported everything. Our only rule with all 3 of them was that they must continue to get good grades and that if they chose to start a sport then they must see it through to the end. Especially a team sport. No quitting in the middle of a season. If they did not want to go back to it then that was fine. Our youngest did soccer and ended up doing it competitively. He really enjoyed it and was doing it even in school. All 3 of my children also took up band. The only one who took that all the way into high school was the youngest. Of all the sports and all the activities, band took up the most time it seemed. That was a very competitive activity and we traveled a lot for that. He ended up giving up the sports to stay involved in band and again that was fine.
  I guess my point is here that now today as I look at all 3 of them I see where being involved in not only activities like GS and band but also TEAM sports and individual sports have taught my children diversity and have made them the succesful young adults they are today. They learned to depend upon themselves as individuals (in the individual sports) and to hold themselves accountable for their actions. And in the team sports they learned to work & play as a unit which carries over into the workplace. Not to put the blame on 1 person for a loss or a win but to accept responsibility for their part in that game. It taught them leadership skills that have especially helped my youngest as he serves our country as a SGT in the US MARINE CORPS. He tells me now that the values they learned in these activities are the same values he still uses to this day. The teamwork he learned is part of his life everyday.
  So my advise would be to lead the children lead you slightly. If they want to try an activity let it be know to them that they MUST see it through to the end and if it is something they want to do when the season comes back up then allow it. Also make sure that they understand that school and family are important. Our family watched all the games together. We traveled together and enjoyed it all immensely. We all had a role and we all supported one another. Remember to make sure that they understand the role they had in the wins and losses. Such as in BB when they would lose a game and our son would say “if so and so would have made that last shot we would of won” that is when we would say, “how many foul shots did you miss or how many layups did you miss?” He would then get the point.
  Remember that the most important thing is that they and you are having fun. And that it is what they want to do. You must support them. Believe me I have seen a lot of kids go the wrong path due to not having any structure in their lives or parental involvement. IMO Sitting around watching TV or playing video games is not constructive.
  I hope this helps you . There are a lot of great comments and I think that what it all comes down to is to do what you think is best for your children and give them some opportunity to make some of the decisions. They also learn from having that responsibility.

• 111. Veronica Myers-Fuqua&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 8:33 am

  Hi Julie,

  I am torn like you about competitive sports. There are definitely positive and negative issues about competition sports.

  Our 8 year has wanted to dance ever since we can remember. She use to fall asleep in her crib to low music playing and her passion grew from there. (Did I say she does very well in Math and is creative?). She started dance lessons once a week at a little over age 3. She was in her first Recital at a little over age 4. We didn’t see her display her passion on stage or personality like we did at home. So I entered her in a year plus of gymnastics. She is a very low talking, sweet, very quiet child. Gymnastics once a week gave her confidence and boosted her self esteem. She also had some bully issues at school also prior to this. With coaching at home to teach her to speak up for herself and gymnastics really helped her. The bullying did stop. The year before last her dance teacher (and owner of the studio) asked me if she could do dance competitively. The teacher hand picks students for teams and the criteria isn’t just about who is good. I turned her down. After I saw our daughters confidence soar I finally agreed to competitive dance this past summer. Since then competitive dance has had many rewards and many downfalls. We went from one day a week of dance two years ago to 2 days a week and all day Saturdays. We go after school and all day Saturday.. We signed a contract and really did read the details but it seems things kept being added to our schedule, like more classes, etc. Our daughter has required classes to stay on the team and regular classes, she has a class early Saturday mornings, then practices, etc. We travel to a competition every other month during the fall – spring time. We cannot miss three days of any class without then paying for private lessons.. So we don’t miss. We cannot go on vacation this summer to a reunion we had planned for years ago because the dance Nationals are the exact same time. I see Parents juggle kids and schedules when we are at the studio just about all day on Saturdays, the kids can’t go to any other functions like parties, etc. We don’t get any breaks during summer due to required classes, so she dances all year round unlike some sports. The dance competitions themselves are nuts, long exhausting hours, very strict rules and it seems the way the ones (the venues) we have been to everyone gets some award so everyone gets to go to Nationals. So where’s the reward for the teams or individual who worked hard all year and you see someone who many don’t think should win, does? My daughter loves it but has become dischanted on the whole outlook of it as some of the kids are really competitive and can be mean. One kid on our own team is highly competitive and is friends with the kids one day and talking nasty behind their backs the next so our daughter learned early on about these type of kids. She did learn from this. She also loves all of the “required” work shops classes at these competitions, loves being on a team, loves to travel, loves to be on stage and has a real passion for dance but she is more competitive within herself rather then with others. Will we do competitive dance next year? It’s very difficult to say. We are debating it. The costs are crazy, we don’t want someone dictating when we can go on vacation and how many classes we “have to” take. She also has 5 pairs of dance shoes at this time and is in 10 dances for this years studio Recital. A yearly event. That’s sounds excessive to me in shoes and costumes.

  Now our 5 year old is in gymnastics, she loves it and dance. Fortunately for me, she refuses to get on stage and so she takes dance only for a short summer 6 week class. The summer classes don’t lead to the Recitals. She wants to be competitive in gymnastics some day.. We’ll see. At least I won’t be investing in shoes or costumes. She is benefitting from gymnastics as she is a loner, doesn’t work well with others and is very highly competitive. She is learning about gymnastics in a much less strict environment compared to dance. Though as a parent, if I am paying for lessons I will say, I expect the kids to be there every week and on time. That affects everyone, so these type of rules make perfect sense. We’ll see what her future will be like.

  As summer rolls around and we have a “required” dance class for the older one and finishing up gymnastics with the little one for the summer. The little one is begging me to learn hip hop. She is good at it and has rhythm. So maybe she can take a short class the same day and time as the older one. Otherwise I was lookng forward to not driving so much this summer. FYI – Our little one has been into dance and music since she was very small too and does extremely well with math and school as well.

  Just our experiences.

  Veronica

• 112. Bev&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 9:08 am

  I think each kid is different and sometimes it just depends on the parent! It also depends on the parent to keep some balance. My son is now grown. He participated in baseball every spring for years. There came a point when it was very competitive and that is when he dropped out. I could see he was loosing interest and a lot of that was becasue of the pressure form the coaches about winning.

  Overall, I think parents need to leave kids time to be kids. It is never too late for someone to start doing something they love. Not everything has to be done at a top competitive level. Doing it just for fun is perfectly okay!

• 113. Nancy&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 9:20 am

  I’m with you Julie all the way. I have two boys, ages 11 and 7. My 11 year old played baseball until he was 9 and then we decided we had enough. He still enjoyed it but to be perfectly honest it was harder on mom and dad to watch – he is not a natural athlete and since it is so comptetive now we didn’t enjoy watching our child being ridiculed by other kids or the coaches getting frustrated. He has since taken up tennis and enjoys it. My 7 year old played Upward basketball in the winter which is now over and is beginning buddy ball. Practice once a week with one game per week. But even with that schedule when you have two children involved in different activities in different directions, and we have church Wed night also, it makes for a busy schedule.
  However, I feel our children do need to be active with sports as long as they are enjoying it. I sometimes wish things could go back to how they were when I wasd a child in the 60′s and 70′s when things didn’t seem to be so busy and seeing all the neighborhood children playing together – now everyone is so busy with their schedules you just don’t see kids playing outside with neighbors much anymore. Sorry this is so long but maybe it will help.

• 114. Veronica Myers-Fuqua&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 9:29 am

  To Ronald Crowly,

  Wow, we can relate to the pressure of keeping up in dance. A huge fear of mine and our daughters is, at dance: If we drop competition dance, where will she be in regular classes? We can all obviously tell what level she is in compared to the others in regular dance classes who are not on the competition team(s). Even at age 8. That’s why we are torn about not re joining competitive dance next year .. She has worked hard to get where she is in dance and it seems to come natural to her. The persoanlity showing others is what we wanted to see.

  True – the more advanced they get in dance, the more classes are required and the more costly it becomes. Our daughter is not burned out dancing three times a week and, did I mention in my very long prior first post that our daughter is shooting for a dance schlorship? She has very determined goals for herself. Oh, she is also on the honor roll, three years in a row and in gifted classes. She loves school, everything about it, music and dance. She even grew to love gymnastics but couldn’t do both gymnastics and dance this year. She has very little time off too but our first priority is school. We told her she could do competitive dance this year IF it didn’t interfere with school in any way.

  We also tell our girls that they must finish whatever they choose to do from start to finish. We also constantly ask them if they are doing too much or want a break. Our 8 year old has missed 2 days of dance in 4 years and the little one – the 5 year old has missed 1 day of gymnastics in 2 years. They both get upset when we have Spring Break from school, dance and gymnastics. Go figure. I like the break just from driving.

  Veronica

• 115. Dawn&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 10:03 am

  I just wanted to let you know that I have older children. My youngest will be 17 in June and my oldest with be 21 in October. As children they all played baseball/softball and socce for the local catholic church. When we moved out of the community, the athletic association in the new community was much different. Much more competitive and they eventually quit. They had the ambition to play sports, so when they met new friends, they joined those teams and enjoyed it a little better. My son wanted to play football, much to my disapproval, but it was what he wanted so we signed him up. he is extremely fast and was something he enjoyed and was good at unlike baseball. In football, he met a lot of friends and these friends got him into wrestling, which is now ihis passion. I enjoyed my kids being in sports-when they get to high school, it seems to keep them out of trouble and also involved in school activities. those are my thoughts on the issue. Thanks@

• 116. Janelle&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 10:29 am

  I have a 15 year old daughter that has been involved in Fastpitch softball since she was 9 years old. She has won two Michigan State Championships through Little League and has a collection of trophies 10 feet long and with this comes the pride and memories that can be seen on her face.
  Putting all that aside; I would like to say that, to be involved in a sports program in high school you have to maintain a certain grade point average and have to be drug and alcohol free. Two things that I EXPECT from my child yes, but it also makes her accountable. You can not even be seen at a party where drugs and alcohol are being consumed. My daughter has been on a travel softball team for 7 years and it consumes our weekends all summer long. Some of our best friends are the parents of this softball team. I can tell you that there are a lot of parents that have no idea where their teens are on Friday and Saturday nights in the summer. But I do. I know who she is with and what kind of families they come from. Is this a sacrifice of my weekends? Yes, but most of the things I do for my kids are considered a sacrifice. What sports bring to her life is something she will treasure forever. For me…..I will have alone weekends soon enough and wonderful memories of watching a child grow.

• 117. Dolli&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 12:08 pm

  I have 5 daughters, 3 of which are step-daughters, ages 16, 13, 12, 6, and 5. I have always wanted my kids to experience opportunities to participate in various activities. The oldest has played soccer since she was about 4, starting with recreational soccer. Beginning at age 9, she started playing competetive travel soccer and played for her high school her freshman year (last year).

  We have enjoyed the travel and the opportunity with soccer. She has made great friends. Early on, she really wanted to be competetive, and we let her take private coaching lessons and took advantage of special training opportunities through her soccer club.

  We never “forced” her to play, but have experienced a waning of her interest over the years. We never let her “quit” once she made a team. We explained the importance of commitment and that she was chosen over other players that wanted an opportunity to play, but were not chosen for the team.

  She now is driving, has a job, and didn’t make her high school team this year. It is clear that this will be her last season playing soocer. I believe not making her high school team “sealed the deal” so to speak. She has said that she doesn’t want to play now, but she has made that commitment and she has been told she must fulfill it. The season will end in early June.

  Over the years we have had our share of bad coaches, unruly parents, and disappointing teams. But overall I feel that it is truly built character in my daughter.

  There was a time when iour family was on overload. The oldest wanted to participate in several things. There were a couple days a week when we went from school, to Girl Scouts for her, Brownies for her sister, piano lessons, then children’s choir, then soccer for her, then soccer for her sister, and then a soccer tournament meeting for me (I was director for our club’s tournament). It was too much, we were living in our car, and after almost 2 years of that, we decided we had to cut out some activities. So we stayed focused on soccer.

  The 13 year old played travel soccer beginning at age 8 for a season and a half. In her second year playing, we ended up with a coach who put too much emphasis on winning We were paying lots of money in club fees and travel, only to watch our daughter sit on the bench for the most part. After conversations with the coach and club president, we decided it was in our daughter’s best interest to leave the team. She is now showing more interest in music and drama (like her mother) than in athletics.

  My 12 year old step-daughter began playing recreational soccer at age 6, with her dad coaching. We married 3 years ago. Last year she played for her Junior High team and decided not to play rec soccer. She attends school in a nearby smaller community, and it is easier to make high school teams. I believe she will continue to play into high school, as long as it is not too competetive. She doesn’t like it when she is playing against players that are more aggressive. She has also played recreational basketball, and has enjoyed participating in other sports such as gymnastics, volleyball, and cheerleading.

  The 5 and 6 year old have just started playing recreational soccer. They have also participated in gymnastics.

  My feeling is that you must do what is right for your family. Your family also needs to agree on how involved you want to be in a sport. If it is just for fun, I think recreational type teams, especially when kids are young, are great. The kids learn team-building and commitment, they make friends and have fun. They also have the opportunity to try many different things.

  I believe if your child shows talent for a particular activity, whether it’s sports, music, dance, etc., than I think they should be encouraged to pursue that activity as long as there is an interest. I don’t think a child should be forced to participate in something in which they have no interest – to me that is the parent trying to live vicariously through their child. And I’ve seen it many times during the years we have been involved with competetive soccer. Forcing a child into something in which they are not interested and trying to develop a talent they may not have, then berating them for their lack of skill, is cruel and abusive.

  There are many parents out there that dream of their son getting a baseball scholarship and going on to play in the major leagues, or their daughter becoming the next Mia Hamm. In reality, there is such a small, small, small percentage of kids that have the skill and talent to ultimately achieve the college scholarship and play at elite levels. The most important part of any activity should be having fun. As long as that is the priority, I would encourage you to let your children explore opportunities in sports, music, art, or whatever they are interested in.

• 118. cindi from madison&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 12:55 pm

  Wow – you opened a Pandora’s box there! My father insisted my brother and I play violin and flute respectively because he enjoyed classical music. I hated private lessons, and my brother and I actually switched to less classical instruments (string bass and saxophone). I made my son take viola in elementary and middle school because “music lessons are supposed to be so helpful in many ways” (like Little League, I suppose). He hated it too. When I thought about it, he was never going to make a living being a violist, so I let him give it up in high school so he could use one of his electives to try other things he might enjoy. Like his parents, he’s not much into group activities, and I must say I enjoy the lack of running around. I look at some of the other mothers I know who are run ragged because they insist their children participate in activities just because they “should”. My son is who he is, and has turned into a responsible, respectable teenager despite not having had a lot of “character-building” activities.

• 119. Betty&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 1:19 pm

  I say let the children decide. My parents never pushed me into any sport. I tried all kinds in elementary school. It was required- at school. When it came time to decide what I wanted to do in Jr. High, I chose tennis because I had heard students don’t HAVE to share a shower room together. That idea horrified me. But I also did other things like orchestra and home ec. I dabbled into some things just to see if I would enjoy it. When I got into high school I was burned out in tennis. I became 2nd all-regional by then and it was too competitive. I wasn’t enjoying it anymore. I wanted to quit but my parents were against it because they knew I could go far in tennis. But I made the choice and quit. Now when I play tennis again, it’s because I’m having fun. I still dabble into other interests like drama, ballroom dancing, etc…. In fact, ballroom dancing is where I met my husband. So it’s never too late to join anything as long as you still have the interest, otherwise it just feels forced on you. If you see your kids getting too competitive, remind them why they joined the sport in the first place. It’s real easy to get caught up in the competitiveness but it’s not the most important thing.

• 120. BarbaraR&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 3:12 pm

  As far as sports and teams, here is my single parent advice. Let your child find one event that they love and they will stick to it. Rather it be dance (which I did for 15 years), soccer, gymnastics, etc. My daughter picked cheerleading which also goes hand in hand with gymnastics. Right when I was about to take her out of gymnastics, she advanced quickly and really caught on. She loves it and would take it 7 days a week if I could afford it. A team sport teaches your child how to compete, get along with others, they get the let downs and the praise provided they have a christian coach. Believe me, I have seen some foul coaches.
  With only 1 child, its not that hard, but with 2 I can only image the time, however, get you a laptoe with wireless service and a great book. You will grow to like whatever they pick and it will be well worth their thank yous when you do. After all, this is what life is about.
  Best Wishes.

• 121. Liz Lowe&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 3:46 pm

  We do not have any children of our own, but I can tell you two stories about couples with kids we know:
  Our neighbors across the street have a boy 10 and a girl 8. The boy plays football, soccer and basketball. The girl plays soccer and tee-ball. The parents typically leave the house in separate cars around 8:30 am on Sat and Sun and we do not see them again until after dark. The mom is usually with the girl in the van and the dad takes the boy in his SUV. This goes on every weekend and most nights. I do not know how they function as a cohesive family unit.
  Our friends in another town are unavailable every weekend since their son is part of a traveling baseball team. This goes on throughout the school year and also all summer long. He is also into Boy Scouts and usually has to choose between a baseball game and some scout activity on the weekends. Thankfully no scout activities in the summer !!
  I remember as a kid “just playing and daydreaming” with other kids in the neighborhood. Riding bikes, playing Barbies, sometimes just sitting doing nothing. I think both kids and parents are WAY overscheduled. Put down the phone and blackberry and JUST BE !! I also notice that if a kid is not doing anything, they are nagging their parents to do something…remember DOING NOTHING is still doing !!
  I agree that a kid should be a kid and allowed to dream. I recomment NOT putting yourself and your kids through this constant weekend drudgery.

• 122. KAthy Paulson&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 5:29 pm

  Hi Julie, Let your kids be kids and they will find a sport that suits them. I have an only child, a daughter, that is 13. She is in Girl Scouts, Honor BAnd and also swimming. She is not a competitive swimmer but tries very hard. She has been swimming for three years and finally has achieved some of the goals that she set a year ago. I see very steady progress but she works hard at it. She usally swims 4-5 nights a week and sometimes on the weekends. She loves every minute of it. She never complains about going to swimming. She tried soccer and dance but swimming is her sport. We also car pool with another family so this helps. Your kids will decide when the time is right.

• 123. Terri Brewster&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 6:10 pm

  Julie,
  Hi, This is a dilemma, and everyone has their views and opinions, I don’t envy your decision. I have an only child who is graduating from High School in a few short months. He always loved sports, so we made the decision to let him play T-Ball, he loved it but after the second year, he decided to try something else. He was involved in Cub Scouts, and moved to Boy Scouts where he successfully received his Eagle Scout. While in scouts, he was allowed one sport at school each season. Eventually he narrowed it down and ended up on the H.S. golf team. The sports programs were great experiences, yes occasionally you get a coach that has different values, but you know kids need to learn how to deal with people with different opinions, they are going to have to learn to deal with bosses at some point, you can’t protect your children forever. Listen to your kids, they will let you know what they like and what they don’t like. Our rule was though, once you start you can’t quit in the middle, you make a commitment you see it through to the end of the season. You might be surprised if you sit and watch your son play in a T-Ball game, and watch the smile come across Logan’s face when he succeeds, and teach them through the disappointments, it all is good life lessons. I wish you luck in making your decision, and remember only you and your husband know what works for your family.
  Hang in there, these issues are simple compared to what you are faced with as they grow older. Enjoy the simple things.
  Terri

• 124. Victoria Knight&hellip  |  March 19th, 2009 at 6:33 pm

  My son started playing sports in 6th grade. His choices were basketball and swimming. We let him decide for himself to continue in both, one, or none. 20,000 swim meets later we’re still in swimming, both in high school and a year round team. If he wants to swim in high school meets, coach requires attendance, but mom is final say so based on grades and attitude. Am I tired after long days at work and then sitting at a pool for two hours during practice and twice a week swim meets? You bet, but I love the way he says “Thanks Mom for being here”. Having said that, hallelujah he turns 16 this year and can drive himself to practice but I’ll still be there at those meets!

• 125. Erin Probst&hellip  |  March 20th, 2009 at 6:29 am

  How old is your daughter? If she’s in brownies, not that old. Why does she require and Ipod touch? I would tell my daughter (who is 14, and would have to get a job to earn something like that), that just because “everyone’ has one, she doesn’t have to. Not only do I see kids who are burned out from so many activities, they also have too many material things. It seems like nowadays, kids are no longer allowed to be kids. The push to excel is only hurting them, not helping. I think this also leads to burnt out families, unhappy parents and children. Family life is non-existant, all in pursuit of outshining all others to get into schools, or attain scholarships, that for most of the kids involved really isn’t attainable. Of course, if a child really loves doing something, the parents should be behind them 100%. Too many times though, I see parents being cruel to other parents and children, just so theirs win.

• 126. Debbie&hellip  |  March 20th, 2009 at 7:12 am

  I have 2 boys 10 and 6 both play on a travel hockey team this season (which ran from Sept to the end of this month March). My oldest alsoplays on a travel soccer team too (Spring and Fall). In the fall for him hockey and soccer overlap for 8 weeks so he is usually playing/practicing 6 out of 7 days. It is grueling but he loves and and doesn’t want to stop. His friends are the ones he plays sports with. My 6yr old got a taste of travel hockey this year and loved it. He went to 3 tournaments in which 2 were sleep away from home and did very well. My husband and I were for the whole season split with each boy because the boys were going in different directions. Sunday nights we would sit on the couch couch and catch up from the weekend. I think that if your child wants to play then do it. I don’t believe in forcing them to play somthing that you missed out on as a child. As a lot of parents do. And for the cost of sports (especially hockey) you either have to love playing or it is a waste of money. My husband and I can have plenty of downtime when the boys move out until then it is about them and letting them do the things they love with no regrets later.

• 127. Sara&hellip  |  March 20th, 2009 at 9:09 am

  You’re right it is a hard decision. It really depends on your coach. Does he want the kids too have fun or is he out to win win win. Do all the kids have to have the same bags, helmets, gloves etc etc. Are they a fun little league team or are they a professional little league team.

  When my youngest son was about 11 he was the pitcher on our team. He amazed even the umpires he was that good.

  One of the dads on the team wanted to start a summer team with the best of the best and asked my son to play with them. When we told him we wouldn’t play on Sundays he didn’t want my son anymore. Which was okay with me. A coach who is going to put baseball before God is not the type of coach I want my son with. It didn’t bother me if the rest of the team played on Sunday, I wish they wouldn’t, but that is their decision.

  Not only does it get competive it also becomes very political too and you have to “play” the game if your son wants to play in High School — who has the $300 bat, the $200 glove, a pitching coach, outside of school, what little league did you play on?

  I love little league but not enough that it overtook our lives. The other day my son said he was glad he wasn’t playing baseball this year (this would have been the final year and time for try outs for a summer school team) because he was glad to be home and not gone all the time.

  I have 5 kids and if they wanted to play a sport that was fine but they could only play one sport at a time. There are many who would play fall ball and basketball at the same time and even some who included footbal.

  That is way to much. They might be “playing” all the time but it isn’t always a good.

  A child’s work is his play.

  My (long) 2 cents.

• 128. Candace&hellip  |  March 20th, 2009 at 10:11 am

  I have four boys and each one of them have been in sports, band, drama, debate, and more. But sports has been overall the best for all four in terms of helping them learn the lessons of determination, dedication, focus, healthy eating, and the importance if individual performance AND team performance. Believe me, I have put my time in at the field, in booster club meetings, car pooling and you name it. I consider this time WELL spent. For example, during football season, my youngest actually get’s better grades because he has to be more organized in his day (besides the coach requires it). I believe being in sports leads to a more healthy lifestyle for the years beyond high school.

• 129. Jan&hellip  |  March 20th, 2009 at 11:46 am

  As a current leader with the Girl Guides of Canada and a former Commissioner with them, I’m thrilled Lauren is in Brownies. It’s so hard to balance all the time and the things kids want to be in today. I just think it’s great when they are in an environment where they can learn about teamwork, giving back to the community and the best part about Girl Guides & Girl Scouts, eliminate the competitive aspect. Much of that comes from parents pushing and pushing, but we try to show how we’re all equal regardless of what we’re good or bad at.

  On a different note – sports ideas. My nephew is an avid Frisbee player. He’s on an Ultimate Team here in Ontario and has been asked to play for the Canadian National team. I know this sport is growing in popularity more and more and it would definitely be something I could be interested in.

  Keep up the great work. Though I may not order often (I’m a CTMH Consultant), I do look all the time. If somebody has the perfect paper, I’ll get it from wherever or whomever I need to.

  All the best,
  Jan

• 130. Stephanie Lewis&hellip  |  March 20th, 2009 at 11:47 am

  I am a mom of two and both of my children are in sports. They are and have only been allowed to play one sport each due to the time committment. My son had played baseball since he was 5 and now he is 13. He has decided to change his mind and start flag football. These two sports are only a committment of 2 1/2 months and if this is the sport he has chosen, I will back him up and do everyting in my power to make sure he is there. I don’t want to regret not letting him play because I put my priorities before his. They are only young once. Now my daughter on the other hand is in gymnastics and has been since she was 3 and now 10. As most know, gymnastics is year round, but my deal was that she had to be able to do this class on the weekends, which when she started was only 1 hour every Saturday. She is now on the X-Team which is a commitment of 2 1/2 hours every Saturday, but again the class had to be on Saturdays. Now sometime she has performances that are during the week but they are not many. Again she has chosen this as her sport and I back her up and she enjoys every minute of it and I could not think of taking that away from her.

• 131. Kay&hellip  |  March 20th, 2009 at 11:51 am

  I have never participated in a blog before but this touched my heart so much I just had to share my feelings on this.
  Fist of all let me say that I believe that other than God, the most important thing is family. And we must do what it takes to protect our families. When me and my husband first got married 19 years ago, we made a commitment to never get too busy. We made a choice that our family would come first and that we would not over-commit to things to the point that we could not relax and enjoy life. We have two girls, now 17 and 15, but ever since they were old enough to understand, we told them how we felt and how important our family was to us and that we would not live a hurried life. We have continued to reitterate that to them many times over the years and they understand how we feel and realize that we value our family over other things.
  That being said, our girls have not led a life withough extra-carricular activities. They have participated in dance, gymnastics, softball and piano lesson throughout the years. But our rule was, only 1 thing at a time. We also made sure that whatever it was they were doing was not pressurized. It was more recreational than competition. There is nothing wrong with competition, we just wanted them to enjoy what they were doing to start out with. I think kids participating in sports can be a good thing or a bad thing. If they are having fun and not too competitive and it doesn’t take a lot of time from your week or weekend it can be good. On the other hand, too much pressure from parents, coaches or other kids and having your lives revolve around the game can take it’s toll on the child as well as the family as a whole. My advice for the future is to just sit down with your kids and lay it all out there. Tell them what your thoughts are on it and then have them share with you how they feel about the subject. They will appreciate you being honest and open with them and hopefully it will make them feel free to do the same with you. It sounds like your daughter has already answered your question for now – that’s great how that worked out!

• 132. Elizabeth Lichner&hellip  |  March 20th, 2009 at 1:09 pm

  I can understand your reluctance to get involved in the hurried and competitive life of sports. But, speaking from the other side of the fence, it’s not entirely bad.

  As a child, I participated in several forms of dance, gymnastics, vocal lessons, acting, choir, academic clubs, Key Club, honor society, modeling, and various competitions. While life was definitely a busy one, I never felt unbalanced.

  I was always one that did my homework immediately when I got home from school, then I was often off to various lessons. But I still got home in plenty of time to play outside or interact with friends.

  I have always believed that the amount of selfless sacrifice my family made on my behalf was a blessing. My parents and siblings were incredibly supportive – even when it meant we’d have to be out of town for a weekend … or a week for nationals. But the amount of time spent juggling my schedule helped me form my time management and organization skills. It even helped me when I got to college and juggled 22-hour semester class loads.

  I know it is difficult to give up your time. Believe me, I truly appreciate this now that I am an adult. But the experiences I was afforded as a result of my family giving up a weekend here or an evening there are truly priceless. I am forever grateful to my family for being selfless and supportive of my activities. It still means the world to me – well into my adult life.

• 133. Lisa Nuhring&hellip  |  March 20th, 2009 at 1:28 pm

  This was very thought provoking…made me assess all I’ve heard from others as well as personal experience. First, dance didn’t do anything for me, I hardly remember it except for the song used in our recital. My sister took dance for additional years and the benefit in later life was that she has no fear of speaking in public. All those recitals helped! She was in gymnastics through high school and that has been the worst experience for her….the damage to her back is the gift that keeps giving as she grows older. The writing was on the wall when we found out the entire high school team was seeing the local chiropractor. Gymnastics also has the second highest injury rate after high school football, and some of the most devastating…broken necks and paralysis.

  In 20/20 hindsight, what has been the most beneficial? Oddly enough, 4-H. Variety of interests they are exposed to, social interaction at the club meetings, mentorship in the older kids, parental involvement, community interaction, fund raisers, parties, discipline in bringing their projects to fruition, learning parliamentary procedure, the pluses go on and on. The cost is far below what it takes to buy all kinds of sports paraphernalia and fees too.
  My neighbor had two girls and after her divorce, she knew she would not be able to finance all the activities her girls wanted, so they sat down one night, made a list of all the activities and the girls could pick two each. This made them really choose what they wanted to do, rather than joining something because their best friend was doing it too. It also helped reduce the nagging and prodding…getting them to practice an instrument they had no interest in. Everybody was satisfied. Limiting the number of choices also meant they weren’t running every night of the week.

• 134. Lisa&hellip  |  March 20th, 2009 at 2:58 pm

  I participated on many competitive teams growing up and have coached gymnastics for many years. I think organized competitive sports can be great for kids. Several things to keep in mind though. Not every program is created equal. In gymnastics (and I’m sure in tennis also) there are all levels of intensity even at the beginning competitive teams. Some teams have the beginning teams working out 5 days per week while others are only 2 days per week. (and I know kids in both who absolutely love it) Take the time and effort to find the program that matches what you and your children want/need. Don’t just go to the gym/court down the block because its closest. Talk to the coaches and other parents to find out if this programs goals are the same as yours (is your child the next state champ or is she happier just participating). Organized sports and activities can have great benefits for your children. If you choose carefully and well they should have a great time and learn many good life lessons in sports.

• 135. Sue&hellip  |  March 20th, 2009 at 4:07 pm

  Hi Julie!
  You sound like me and my husband only with me it was Girl Scouts/hiking/outdoors and my hubby big into sports. We have twin 7yo girls, they will be pretty busy now that spring sports are starting up here in Boston in the next month. Our focus is for them to learn, meet new kids and have fun.

  They have both been taking karate lessons for about 1 1/2 yrs and they love it, we pay by the month, no contract so some weeks we go 4x a week and some weeks we go 2x a week, it runs year-round. No competition and lots of focus on the “way” of karate, not just punches and kicks.

  We do Brownie GS which is 2x per month right after school so it is more stressful for me being one of their leaders than it is for them.

  We’ve decided they can pick one additional activity each if they wanted to. They have both done soccer for 2 seasons in the past but this year one is doing girls softball and is so excited about it, she can barely wait to go to the pre-season clinic. The other chose soccer again. Daddy is coaching both teams so we can pick the practice times to fit our schedule.

  That is it, nothing else, we want them to hang out and ride their bikes with their friends too. They go to a school with lots of homework and very strong academics so as long as the activities don’t interfere with their schoolwork or their hang out time, I’m happy. I’ve also warned my husband that we will not, under any circumstances miss church on Sunday morning for a game!

  I am fortunate right now to be at home with the girls so last summer and again this summer, they’ll go to GS day camp for a week or two and then hang at the pool we joined in the afternoons. Complete down time!

  Love your store, keep up the good work. I really enjoy your blogs everyweek, you’re inspiring me to start my own!

  Good luck!
  Sue

• 136. Colleen&hellip  |  March 20th, 2009 at 4:58 pm

  aaaaaaaaand here comes the girl with no kids to throw in her 2 cents lolol. So, my husband and I discuss this all the time. we both COMPLETELY agree that we do not want to overschedule / committ our children in the future. but the problem that we see, with our family and friends that already have children…is that going out to just play is next to impossible because the rest of the kids are all practicing, participating, play dating etc etc….so, in order for ‘kids these days’ to play and socialize with other kids, parents have no choice but to sign them up. I totally think that these are all great activities and have so much to offer in the development of a child…but we’re sort of praying that there will be a backlash and we’ll see a decline in the level of commitment that exists now. kind of find a happy medium between kids having to carry blkbrry’s with their schedule and the good old days of doing your homework and bolting out the door to play with mom or dad yelling ‘ be home in time for dinner’

  lol – hubbie and i joke that we’re going to start a campaign on our street to schedule ‘no schedule’ days with the rest of the kids

• 137. Janet Senior&hellip  |  March 20th, 2009 at 9:25 pm

  Hi I LIVE IN AUSTRALIA it’s no different here but i just thought i would put my pennies worth-in… have just moved to a new suburb and walking my dogs every night is very nice to see families playing basket ball or cricket or base ball we call it (rounders) the families play in the park or on the road or on there drive ways.

  My father never did any of this he was to busy working we were lucky if he took us for a drive on Sundays THAT KIND OF BEHAVOUR IS HARMFULL more than your children having a busy schedule as long as Mum and Dads support watch encourage and be there for there children THAT IS WHAT IS IMPROTANT.

  As I am elderly it is wonderful to see dads playing and sometimes MUM! she is most likely getting dinner ready. I have three Granddaughters ages 3 5 7 they are all dancers acrobatics tap jazz and ballet except the younger one she just does jazz and acro. Now my daughter did all this and so did I and also my Mum though in her day it was her height that got her in the shows.

  I was a dancer in the circus/ shows London Palladium danced in front of the Queen and many other stars of the 60′s also I was a Go Go dancer in a cage fully qualified hairdresser in the day time all go go it was a blast just have FUN with it you can still take time out to enjoy playing in the street with your children and they also learn discipline team work many other life skill by having a busy schedule. Be happy you have healthy children who can hop run and skip they will tell you when they have had enough. As long as you are not wanting them to live your dream its fine enjoy! Janet

• 138. Carol Lorente&hellip  |  March 21st, 2009 at 9:51 am

  I always let me kids try what they were interested in. One sport per season. My only rule was that no matter what they started, they had to finish it. In high school, my son played soccer and basketball. It was getting too busy, so we had him choose a sport. He ended up being a natural in basketball, so that is what he played. My daughter wished I had pushed her more in sports. She believes she is athletically challenged. I laughed and told her that it was hard to get her to do anything that she didn’t want to do. However, I’m glad I didn’t push her. They both play sports for fun and enjoy it now. My husband and I both played sports in high school. It certainly has changed since then, and I don’t think for the better. It’s always a tough call to know when enough is enough. I listend to my kids and went from there.

• 139. Sheila Boice&hellip  |  March 21st, 2009 at 2:33 pm

  My son Derek is a Senior this year and started playing tennis in his Freshman year of high school. He did all the baseball/basketball/soccer stuff when he was a kid, mainly because of his father. But when I taught him tennis, he really enjoyed it and soon outplayed me by far! (Plus I am not as young as I used to be!) He sees this as an enjoyable sport that was not “forced” on him like the others and he does well with it. He has just told me that he does not want to play tennis in college and that disappoints me, but this is his life, and I am all about letting him make his own choices. Ask your kids-they will tell you how they feel about the sports-whether they enjoy it or not.

• 140. Linda&hellip  |  March 22nd, 2009 at 6:51 pm

  Hi Julie,
  I just read your email from 2 days ago and I had to write again and make another small statement. I think that the one thing that is most important and has been mentioned in some way shape or form here is that whatever your children are involved in then you need to be involved also. YOU are the one that they need to hear from when things aren’t quite the way you think they should be. It is your job to ground them and help them to understand some of the things that go on with in the game. TO remind them that it is OK to lose and to make sure that they congratulate the other team or competitor and to stay humble. Those things are learned from you. YES there are coaches out there that do teach those things, but ultimately it us up to you to make sure that those points are driven home. And by being involved in their activity you are showing them that you support them and that you are always there for them. I think that whether you have dinner at the table every night or only 3 nights or whatever, the most important thing is that you are together in all that you do. Don’t just drop them off and expect the coaches to do all the work. You must monitor the situation and make sure that your core family values are upheld. Being there for them during this time is the part that they will always remember and it will assure that they do not stray down a different path then the one you wish for them to go.
  I would not trade 1 moment of the time we spent at basketball games, soccer games, band competitions or anything for the world. And now my kids are out there giving back by being coaches and referees. So you see it does the heart good to see them turn around and teach the values that you taught them.

  That’s all. thanks. And good luck to you. I really do not think that you have anything to worry about. Your kids will guide you sometimes.

• 141. Chris&hellip  |  March 22nd, 2009 at 9:08 pm

  I have three teenage girls(lots of drama in our home). All three girls have been involved in sports since about age 5. My oldest was just awarded a scholarship to play college lacrosse! I truely think that competitive sports teaches them to use their time wisely, be very organized and make very wise choices while keeping them busy, happy and out of trouble(and there is more and more trouble out there the older they get). My girls even seen to get better grades when they are in the heat of the season! Nothing makes a parent happier than to see their child excell in something that they love!

• 142. dana&hellip  |  March 23rd, 2009 at 9:10 am

  I am a mother of 2 girls ages 17 and 12. Both my girls have danced since they were 3. As they’ve gotten older, they got involved in competition dancing which almost totally consumes our lives and we find ourselves scheduling family get togethers, birthday parties, etc. around dance. As a parent looking back, I regret letting this “take over” our lives as it has done. Because of this busy/crazy schedule, my kids have grown up thinking they have to be doing something all the time so when we have down time, they don’t know how to just sit and relax. I am an involved parent which is important. I see way to many kids get dropped off and the dance studio becomes the babysitter. I got involved (and sometimes in over my head!!!) by working at the dance studio when my kids are dancing.

  My girls have learned some valuable lessons about winning and losing, being a team player, and remaining humble. These are lessons they will take with them into adulthood. I may complain about it now but I know that some day when the kids are grown and gone I will probably miss this cornucopia of chaos!!!!

• 143. Kathy&hellip  |  March 23rd, 2009 at 9:44 pm

  I have two boys 22 and 17 we allowed them both to try several sports, scouts, guitar and drum lessons. They both enjoyed trying different sports our youngest son is still in high school he now only wrestles but you nees to keep them involved in something it gives them something to look forward to it also motivates them to keep up their grades. My son absolutly loves to wrestle. I think that it has made him a very responsible and independant young man. If kids don’t have something to keep them occupied they have to much free time thats when they can find trouble. My nephews are 12 and 10 and they are always getting in trouble in school they do not have anything to look forward to. I keep telling my sister that the boys need something to occupy their time and something to look forward to.

• 144. Karen&hellip  |  March 24th, 2009 at 10:00 am

  My 15 year old son is very athletic and started playing basketball (my sport) when he was 8 years old as well as going up the ranks from T-ball to baseball. When he got old enough to do sports in school, we discovered that he was a good runner and he did well at all his track meets. However, being in these sports for such a long time, his Freshman year of school was the last year for basketball, football. He hasn’t played baseball since he was 12. I actually made him play his Freshman year. Gave him the different coaches, things will be different speach, and he played but his heart was not into it. So for his Sophomore year of school, I said you can do what you want to do, I will not make you. This has really crushed my spirit for watching because he is not playing. He plays golf and that is all he wants to do. My daughter is not athletic and after learning from him that pushing does not help but hinder, because his spirit is not into it he will only get hurt, I have decided not to push her. She likes to sing, and I praise her for her efforts. I think that it is more important to be a supportive parent no matter what choices they make. Should they try, yes, but they shouldn’t be pushed and they need time to be children.

• 145. Dawn&hellip  |  March 29th, 2009 at 11:52 am

  Hi! Love your site and emails. We are from Chicago and love Portillos. If you really love their cake, you should try their cake shake xoxoxox. You must share it’s very hard to finish one by your self – though it can be done.

  I am also a sports parents and now that both my kids are in college, still swimming and playing water polo. It has paid for all the long hours of living in our car.

  We are driving back from watching our daughter’s games in Erie, PA.

  Anyway you offer more College pages etc?

  Thanks!!!

• 146. Nella&hellip  |  April 2nd, 2009 at 12:03 pm

  I totally agree that sports can and will take over
  your life. I also believe that it could be great for most kids, mine did not take to it, but it’s the parents that ruin the sport they can be overbearing and unsupportive with their kids if they are not perfect. Look at the sporting events (Kids) where the parent killed the coach or fought with other parents…….what example is that? In Long Island it can be way to competive in an unhealth way.
  But I say if the kids like it try it!

• 147. Debbie&hellip  |  April 5th, 2009 at 12:05 pm

  One of my boys was extremely athletic. My husband and I were always supportive, however, we put a limit of one activity at time. This seemed to help create a balance between home, school and activities. As you are discovering, irregardless of the sport, a great deal of time and commitment are involved. My children are now grown and on their own, it goes so fast….so enjoy the craziness while it lasts!