20 Comments

• 1. Betsey Holzhauer&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 7:34 am

  And how many of us mothers are shedding tears right along with you after reading your wonderful blog! As your children get older the problems and the joys just change. And there are mountains and valleys and it is all SO worth it!

  Thanks for sharing your world with us.

  Betsey

• 2. Karen R&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 7:42 am

  My ‘babies’ are 27 and 23 now and sometimes it still hits me. They are grown up now and I still want to be able to make things right for them, to heal their hurts and kiss away the pain. Watching them grow up is difficult and wonderful! I have loved watching them become the people that they are and being there as they move into each different stage of their lives.
  Karen

• 3. Anna&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 7:43 am

  I definitely feel Lauren’s pain – the “odd one out” scenario defined my third grade school year. The worst was in gym class partnering to hold each other’s feet down during curl-ups – it seems so trivial now… for the 1 or 2 minutes that that activity went on why couldn’t I just suck it up and pair with the odd boy out? But it was definitely a big deal at the time! From personal experience, it does get better and in the end it won’t matter but your story just brought me back about 15 years to my own childhood. Luckily the school year’s almost over!

• 4. Sue&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 8:16 am

  I TOTALLY understand how you are feeling. My ‘baby’ 24 just moved out and graduated and believe me I went to my room and shed some ‘tears’ too. I know he will be fine and he is excited to start life on his own but after helping me through my husbands two deployments to Iraq we became very close and those ties are so hard to break. I only wish for you and your children the closeness that I have with my two sons! I am truly proud of both of them

• 5. Jeanne Gaffney&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 8:19 am

  The other day I had a meltdown that lasted most of the afternoon. I love being a mother. My babies are 32 and 38. I had many wonderful experiences with them, but now I feel God has given me a second chance at love by giving me two precious grandsons (4 and 6). They came running in the other day after hearing the jingle from the popsicle truck. Of course they could have a popcicle! But then it hit me like a ton of bricks. How much longer will those two sweet boys come running in all dirty and sweaty begging for money for a popsicle? One day they will come asking for a popcicle for the last time and no one knows when that will happen. Today, I am grateful that I am old enough and wise enough to cherish every single moment I have with them no matter what the circumstance!! I love being a grandmother!

• 6. Liz Lowe&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 8:40 am

  Having no kids of my own, I REALLY enjoy reading about yours !! All I can tell you is to do the best you can and just LOVE them every day !!
  Happy CAT MOM (or Dog mom) day to all those other childless women out there

• 7. Dawn L&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 8:42 am

  My daughter went through the same thing last year (in 3rd grade), but it seems to be better this year. I know there are times she still feels left out. One of the things we did was that I had a friend in CA who had a daughter a year older, so they started being real “pen pals” (not the computer kind!!). That seemed to help a lot, and they still write to each other even though things are better. Need a pen pal for her just ask…my daughter loves to do it, or I know you know someone out there who would love to help…

• 8. Nancy&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 9:02 am

  When are kids are little we enjoy so many “firsts” with them. We take pictures and document them. We never think about the “lasts”. I got this book for my children (mainly me) by Karen Kingsbury, “Let me hold you longer”. Here is an excerpt.
  Long ago you came to me,
  a miracle of firsts:
  First smiles and teeth and baby steps,
  a sunbeam on the burst.
  But one day you will move away
  and leave me to your past
  And I will be left thinking of a lifetime
  of your lasts…
  It made me cry. but also realize to enjoy every moment with my kids–the good and the bad because someday they will move away. I remember a saying where you have to give your kids roots so they could grow wings. I thought that giving the “roots” would be the hardest but now I realize it is letting them grow their wings that is proving the hardest. It is a good thing that your daughter realizes that parents can’t fix everything and this is one more step to growing those “wings” and becoming an adult who will hopefully become a mother and realize what an awesome person her mother is and what a wonderful life her mother gave her. Happy Mother’s Day!

• 9. Judy G&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 9:10 am

  Julie,

  You don’t have to FIX everything. You just have to LISTEN. Often times it is enough just to have someone listen to your problem and offer honest caring feedback. When a person deals with their own problems it makes them strong. Lauren and Logan can work through their own problems if they know they have your support and love.

  Judy

• 10. Ann B&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 9:24 am

  Oh, I know just how you feel. I’m preparing for my son’s high school graduation at the end of the month. We’re going through troubled times right now because of driver’s license issues. He was irresponsible, and he doesn’t like the consequences. He has grown up so much, but it’s apparent he still has some maturing to do. Oh, if I could fix that!

• 11. Lea Ann&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 9:29 am

  My daughter has had a different best friend every year for the last three years – they keep moving away! One as far as the Philappines. Somehow they always find that new friend.

  I was thinking of my kids growing up yesterday when my son asked if he could get a knife and cut up his apple for lunch (he just turned 12). I said, son, you don’t have to ask for that kind of thing. I mean, I send you off with Boy Scouts to a different state for weeks at a time, I send you snorkleing off Key West, I think you can cut up a snack! An then it hit me, 6 more years and he’s gone. That’s where I’m going to have a hard time. At least he still wants me to tuck him in at night! (Just don’t tell anyone!)

• 12. Lenda&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 9:36 am

  How I enjoy reading your posts! My kids are now 19 and 23, and I remember so many of the things you describe. I, too, have often “talked” to my mom who passed away 3 years ago – there is so much I understand now and am awed by how she handled herself … I strive to do as well, and often fail.

  I think of “lasts” too, and did I take the time to realize it might be “a last time”. The last time my child wanted to come into our bed after a scary dream; the last time I was physically able to pick up my child to give a hug; the last time I was asked to read a book. But there are new “firsts” as your kids age, and they can be astounding – the true measure of their independence from you. My favorite example is the first time your child drives away in the car, and you are not in the car with them. Where are they going? Who will they share their time with? Will they be safe? Independent from you, giddy with their excitement, you can only hope and pray that everything you’ve done up to that time will keep them safe and coming home to you.

  I look forward to grandchildren one day. I know I’ll be more mellow and will miss less of the ‘lasts’. And I look forward to feeling as my mother must have felt as she helped me to walk the path of young motherhood. And the circle goes on and on.

  As an aside, enjoy the ‘last’ of being able to share your daughter’s worries on your blog. It won’t be long before her ‘friends’ find out you are doing so, and it could become even more difficult for her. Just another part of this wild ride called motherhood. You’re doing just fine!

• 13. April Joy&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 9:57 am

  Actually, my kids are 18 and 16 and I rejoice in the little problems that I can’t solve for them.
  See, I am a pediatrician that specializes in adolescents. What I see are many kids who have never learned to live with disappointment and heartache, who don’t know how to handle consequences and learn from them, whose parents never left them to figure out their own life’s lessons: these kids are in for TONS OF TROUBLE in the adult world. So I rejoice with each life lesson my kids learn, for each step toward personal accountability, and for each time they learn that happiness comes from within, not the world around us.
  Just another way to look at this situation.

• 14. Renee&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 11:05 am

  I feel your pain with your daughter. My daughter is also 9 and attends a small school. She started there in 1st grade but most of the girls have been together since Pre-K, so she is usually left out. It was most apparent last year when the school hosted a talent show. The girls formed a dance group without her. I had my niece help her create a solo dance act. She was the second best act behind a group of boys who took first. The audience loved her. She never felt happier! (of course I took pictures) The sun does come out tomorrow! Just keep encouraging Lauren because one day she will remember it all. You’re still “Wonder Mom.”

• 15. Terri Brewster&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 11:16 am

  Good Morning Julie,
  I always look forward to the Wednesday blog. I feel for you in the situation with Lauren. It is heartbreaking when you can’t fix the issues, but you have to just take a deep breath and let them find their way. Kids don’t do well when Mom and Dad fix everything, they have to develop coping skills and problem solving, and we are here to guide them. I remember back when I was a teen and the problems became much bigger, and there were breakups with boyfriends and I just needed my mom to be there. Her answer to those issues was heading off for a hot fudge sundae and talking. She would sit for hours letting me talk and she would listen never telling me what I did wrong or telling me how to do it differently, her answers were always the same. You have the power within yourself to figure this out, you are intelligent and capable of making the right decisions and I trust you will do what is right. Looking back on those times I appreciate her not solving it, I appreciate the confidence she gave me in believing in myself to make the right decisions. I have tried to do the same with my son, who is graduating in a month. It is a tough world out there, and our job is to prepare them to live on their own and be intelligent, independent people who are happy, secure and willing to be a positive force in this world in which we live. You are human, and your children will learn by watching you and knowing you are there to guide them, support them, and love them, you don’t always have the answers and that is okay!
  Have a great week!
  Terri

• 16. Diane&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 11:33 am

  Hi Julie,
  I agree that you can’t ‘fix’ everything for your kids, but you sure can help them and give them special coping skills to deal with any situation. After all, it’s our responsibility as parents to do everything we can!
  I don’t blame you for asking yourself, ‘What can I do to make it better?”
  Having friends and feeling like a part of the group is extremely important to a child’s self-esteem.
  We try to help our children along by having 2 or 3 friends over at that same time for a play date party. I’ve also gone out of my way to become pretty close friends with several parents at our children’s school. Of course, they are the same parents that my children are friends with. We also do a lot of extracirricular activities together, tball, soccer etc.
  My husband and I also participate alot in classroom activities, helping to throw the classroom parties and appearing on career day, etc. (We both run our own internet businesses, so our schedules are flexible but hectic.)
  I think it really helps if the other kids see you as the ‘cool parents’. While that phrase has negative connotations, let me assure you we are not planning on having drinking parties at our house! Instead, to us it means that we are approachable, friendly and caring towards all the kids in son’s and daughter’s classes.
  I hope that helps give you some ideas Julie. There have been times I’ve been fed up with some of the neighborhood kids, they can be bullies and pick on the smaller kids (like mine) at times. But that is also part of the learning process for children. They can’t be friends with everybody. We have also thrown little neighborhood parties for the kids (splash parties, waterballoon fights etc.).
  Good luck! Your daughter is adorable and looks so sweet, I’m sure things will change quickly as they always do with every new school year!
  Diane

• 17. Melinda Wolfe&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 3:04 pm

  You will really wonder where the time went when you turn around and your “baby” is turning 30 and you have a grandchild(from older daughter) starting high school. 5 years ago when I was going through breast cancer I had that revelation that my life was most likely over half over. Now it’s like time sails by. I keep hoping I will be fortunate enough to have my granny’s genes. She passed away this past Saturday at the ripe old age of 100. Was not physically strong but was sharp as a tack.
  Happy Mother’s Day to all and my we all live to be 100!

• 18. Lucia&hellip  |  May 6th, 2009 at 3:54 pm

  Sometimes it is really hard being a Mom (aka SuperMom).

• 19. Lucy Bankhead-Kidd&hellip  |  May 7th, 2009 at 2:45 am

  Julie, your mail came at just the right time. I was lamenting my inabiliaty to “fix” a situation for my daughter, she’s changing schools and doesn’t want to leave her friends. Thanks for being there. now I don’t feel so alone.

• 20. Kelly C&hellip  |  May 7th, 2009 at 2:18 pm

  That moment when you realize you can’t truly always protect them, came when my now 14 year old daughter was almost 11. She was with a friend and she was attacked by three small dogs. Not alot of physical damage, but the emotional damage lasted a long time. I still cry about the fact that I wasn’t there!